#but somehow my brain went straight to “they are going to the crossroads to get to somewhere else to begin this journey” idk why

[buttsonthebeach]

Also friends I have a feeling I have once again made a snap decision about what the ending of a Dragon Age video game means and that I am about to be wrong again and base an entire fic on my incorrect interpretation

[elliothollandhanbury]

      I was having a night out with 7 of my friends 2 weeks before my prom. I was on my moped, my friends were all on foot. It was quite late at night, about 1:35am. One of my older friends said “Let’s go back to the park for his alcohol that he had hid in the bushes” (Winter gardens, Malvern) So we decided to all go back because that’s what friends are for! On the way there we passed a crossroads, we saw 3 people all walking towards the park! One was short & stocky about 23yrs old, another was quite tall with blonde hair medium build about 22yrs old, but there was also an older looking person who was really really big, pure muscle with solid fat about 30yrs old! I was only a young boy at 16 years old! I didn’t get a very good look but they looked very sketchy! After we had passed one of my friends said to me “they’re the worst people” I thought nothing of it really, I was quite a confident young child in my youth. When we got to the park, my friend jumped on the back of my moped & said “head towards the bridge!” I got to it, then he said cross over!

   When we had crossed the bridge, I saw those three people standing in/near the boat sheds. I pulled my bike over and stood it on It’s stand. Went to sit down, (while I took my helmet off) To wait for my friends! As I sat down I realised that (Antony Farley) The short one, who I realised was quite muscled. (Looked like he had been working out in prison) was sat on my bike! The other two approached me (John Smith & Chris (Krissy) Willis), that second I knew that I was in a very uncomfortable position, they made me feel this way! They were the worst people I had ever come across, I could tell that just by looking at them and there body language! The worst burglary sort of people, trouble anyway you look at them, murderers/tramps! (I knew I was about to get beaten up no matter what basically) I knew they were crack & heroin addicts! I wasn’t, I was only a thin normal sized kid, I thought I would “try” & talk my way out of it! There was nothing else I could really do! Everyone arrived & no one said much, I was stuck in a situation that was very difficult!

   As I was sat there everyone sat down around me including the two lads while the other one was sitting on my moped! People were just talking a bit, while I sat there trying to be quiet (But I was very worried) The big ginger one, who had “LITTLEMAN” wrote across his back (The irony was ridiculous) sat there looking depressed with hid fist leant up his face! Started talking, he was kind of wondering would I go to the police! He said something like “you think your better than me” I noticed he had a nasty gap in his teeth, I thought a bit like mine! I mentioned teeth & he looked at me like he was going to kill me” I Said “You’ll have to excuse me I’m wired” I’ve been totally clean now for 10 years, since that night! (I’ll tell you why) He said to me “Are you posh” I replied nothing because I am a bit! He said “Are you deaf” Once again I said nothing! My “friend” Danny said “he went to Grammar school” “He races motocross” I just could not believe my friend said something like that with people like this in our presence! They were the worst people ever! I said “someone got robbed at gunpoint in my yard in Birmingham” I thought I’d better say something to play myself down a bit! He started asking me about girls, saying “did I have a girlfriend!” I replied “not at the moment” he laughed at me! You could cut the tension with a knife! They were taking advantage of me! They built it up until I was too scared to do anything! I sat down in the boat shed really scared! The fat older man sat down next to me, then he squished his body up against mine! I asked him “What‘s your name“ (Squashing me against the arm rest)  He then raised his fist to my face, stood up & said “If you don’t give me the keys to your moped in 3 seconds, I’m going to plaster your face across that wall” He started counting “3...2...” I said “wait, I’ll let you have a go on it” He said “ok!”

 

   I took out my keys and walked over to my moped! (Anthony was sat on it) I put the keys in the ignition and turned it! I said to the person on my bike “do you want to borrow my helmet” me being safety conscious (I was being nice) That person tried it on & for what ever reason didn’t want to wear it! (I also knew Anthony’s name because my other friend who wasn’t with me said “He steals motorbikes, he stole my friends neighbours monkey bike a couple of days before, I don’t know how but I saw Anthony ride it down a road a few days later) Anyway he passed the helmet to Chris Willis and tried to wink before I saw past the post he was hidden behind, He didn’t put it down, so I somehow guessed that he was going to whack me with it! So I thought I’d wait for him too! Anthony pulled off on my moped into the park, Chris leant sideways a bit and swung back another bit to use all his momentum! He swung my helmet as hard as he possibly could to smash it into my face! I ducked because he wasted to much time trying to use ALL his force! Luckily I stood next to one of the pillars/posts as he swung & swung round in circles trying to smash my face open! Eventually he gave up and let go of my helmet, it went flying across the concrete smashing all the visor and tearing the paintwork, and ended up in the middle of the lake on purpose, to trap me!

   

I walked up to him & was going to punch him in the face, when I thought about the big fat gypsy/traveller/yobbo one! I thought what’s the point! Anthony came back on the bike & stopped outside the boat-sheds! I wanted to get out of the situation more than anything, but Anthony leant over my bike & started asking questions like “How would I start it if I didn’t have the keys” I said “it has loads of problems like loses water and there is something wrong with the exhaust” I told him a bit about the spark plug trying to seam helpful! As I was pointing to it, I had this gut instinct to look up, as I did I saw this fist go whoosh straight past my face, Chris fell flat on his face, straight onto the concrete! He tried to punch me as hard as he could, while I wasn’t looking! I had done nothing wrong at all! I was beginning to get fed up! I was going to laugh at him & kick him in the face, but I’m a nice person! So I didn’t say anything not even an expression! Next thing I know “Littleman” comes rushing in full blast punching me in my face full blast! I covered my face up with my arms but it still really hurt, he wouldn’t stop punching me, at least 10 times! Then Chris started punching me as hard as he could like another 10 times! After they had finished I stood up wanting to leave! 

   When I stood up I wanted to get on my bike and leave! I was hoping they would leave me alone now! They had a bit of a punch that was it! Oh nooo! While I was stood there wondering what had just happened! Littleman slipped behind everyone made about 8 ft room beside me and swept up and punched me as hard as was physically possible in the side of my head! Trying to knock me out unconscious, or kill me! Showing off! I blacked out a bit and thought I cant believe a 30yr old man would do such a thing & that he was going to be in big trouble if he did that again! (It hurt like hell) I stood next to my bike and tried to keep my composure! I stood in front of a pillar and said to him “Is there a mark on my face” He looked at me in the worst way ever & said “there’s more where that came from” I was just praying it was going to end now! I wanted to get out of there but it was too awkward, there was nothing I could do! Why should I let him have my moped for free! None of my friends said anything at all! If I was them I would of left me, which is what they did, one said “lets go” so they all started to walk off and left me! I wanted to shout “call the police or my Dad” but I was soo scared I couldn’t even speak! Littleman was saying I’m gunna punch him in a minute” I said “look at the size of you” He said “You calling me fat” You know that yobbo attitude! I had nowhere to go! One of my friends said “I’ll stay” without saying anymore, he played it as he kind of knew them! Sort of thing. Wasn’t much help, but if I got murdered at least he would of seen everything!

   So I was basically all alone stuck in the park having a nightmare! little man sat on my bike to have a go on it! There was nothing I could do, hopefully they would leave me alone if I did! As little man pulled off on my moped! Anthony was winding/egging Chris to attack me! Chris did, he started punching me in the face as hard as he could hanging on to me, clinging to me grabbing me swinging his fist punching me like 20-30 times, half way through he head butted me as quick as he could real HARD! It really hurt, I felt like crying but this was the least of my problems! They were making me fight, but they didn’t want me to really, you know cheating. Tough. Unfair! I thought stop touching me! Littleman arrived back on my moped! He instantly got off it ran up to me and joined Chris with decking my face in! They punched me in the face a lot, like 40-50 times between them, but because I held my hands up they had to settle for brain damaging me, the side of my skull and all around my head! It was very painful, they carried on doing this for quite a while! They didn’t say much, they just wound me up as much as they could, saying this & that! Punching me in the face the best they could like another 100 times! This went on for like an hr or two I didn’t know! Littleman eventually asked me if I had a phone, I said “I have nothing” as I putt my arms out to show! (I did have my phone though) They kept beating me and beating me! Really painful! They were fighting really dirty! The whole time I defended myself to the maximum, by blocking as much as I could, it was exhausting! They kept touching me & harassing me! The aggression was like nothing I had ever seen before, they were in such a bad mood for nothing! They hated me beyond belief for no reason at all! Chris tried to pull my trousers down & steal them (Burberry) I held on to them to keep them up, or next thing I knew I would be tied to the tree strung up with them. He fell on the floor! My friend was stood there saying nothing! They continued to wind me up and hurt me for quite some time, they must have punched me at least another 3-400 times again! Really violent! Chris kept looking at his nails like he could polish them he was having so much fun & that it was that easy to abuse me. Again Little man  asked me “have you got a wallet” I said “no” it just wound him up more and made him more angry! Chris kept punching me as hard as he knew how! Again & again & again! This was very distressful! I wasn’t sure I was going to leave the park that night! They had a look of a killer in there eyes!  They weren’t very good at fighting, but they were learning quickly with the practice from me! They had previously robbed an old lady for her handbag, she unfortunately died of a heart attack! I had done nothing wrong at all! They went on & on punching me into the night! Really fierce a disturbing! Like another 400 times taking it in turns! One after the other! While one rested the other went, they had like a system it was soooo nasty! I didn’t know people like this existed! They were really violent my face was aching and I could feel I had two black eyes! I thought about my life and how it was all going out the window because of these people! I was going to have a heart attack from how much horror, from what was happening!

   

   My head was hurting REALLY bad! I knew there was permanent damage done no matter what I did! I didn’t feel right, it wasn’t me! I was obviously worried, but there was nothing I could do! I was trapped in the park being held hostage by three thugs! I was kidnapped, no escaping! They proceeded to torture me more & more! I thought I was going to die. It was good versus evil! They were definitely jealous that I was a millionaire! They were beginning to get in so much trouble they were falling out! They had punched me soo hard like 900 times or more by now! They looked at each other, thinking we’re in so much trouble now! I could tell! After all I was stuck with them! I reckon they were out of their eyeballs on heroin! I was going to offer them the beer in the hedge but I forgot, I was panicking & was so worried for my life! I said “leave me alone” a couple of times that was it! They just kept pounding away at me, when I had done nothing wrong! Litlleman was swinging for me with so much aggression I could dodge some of his attacks because he was heavy! Chris on the other hand was just a complete psycho! Also I was so much younger, it wasn’t fair at all! I had no chance. Taunting me the whole time! They were very vindictive, pushing me around telling me what to do! This was going on for way tooo long! I needed to do something, but I was trapped in the boat sheds covered by all 3 of them, with my helmet stuck in the lake! 

   Chris was willing to take things to another level, (As well as Littleman!?) Chris grabbed me by the arms and held me in position! He struck his absolute hardest head butt at me with all his might! He tried smashing my nose open! I countered this with my head as well as I could! The violence of him was absolutely atrocious! He did this 10 times in a row hardcore! He was so vicious it was unbelievable! I was lifting my leg up in case he tried to sweep my footing! I could feel the marks on my arms from his nails! Ow! I was considering biting him, but I thought I better not because he might have aids from needles and syringes! He just would not relent! It was starting to get light now! I had been punched enough to last a lifetime! It still wasn’t over!? I defended myself as best as I could, but there was nothing I could do the physical & mental damage was done. They were very controlling. They were taking out all there anger on me, & I don’t know why! I had half a cigarette in my pocket, I thought I could offer it to them! It might distract them or give them something to do because they weren’t leaving me alone for 1 second! Little man (John) took it from me and made a roll up! As he was doing this Anthony said “You’ll have to excuse my friend he’s in a funny mood” Littleman asked me “Have you got any money” I took out 2p from my pocket and said ”You can have it” He said nothing!

   They still went absolutely mad in a psycho rage at me! Punching & beating me down! Chris was so astonished that he was getting away with it that he leant back & was like I’m the greatest ever! Couldn’t believe what he was doing/getting away with! Though that it was so bad and so cool! I was pretty much dead at this stage, I was in so much pain and anguish, I didn’t understand what was going on! I don’t really say much in this writing, but the whole time I was getting punched! Harder than a freight train! Total brutality. They even said to me “aren’t you going to cry” I was defending for my life! I really thought I was going to die! Chris had a really hard session of fighting me on my own! Littleman let him, but hawked over him just in case I did anything! He kept randomly going psychopath at me going mad beating the crap out of me, like proving he was harder or something! Trying his absolute hardest to hurt me! This went on forever! They did everything physically possible to physically disable & mentally destroy me! I would never be the same again. I didn’t throw 1 punch that night! I walked over to the lake to look like I wanted to leave, by looking at my helmet in the middle. Littleman was saying things like “I’m gunna push you in, in a minute if you don’t get your helmet” They still punched my lights out another 400 times, They were in fight mode all night! it was like up to over 1000+ times now & I was sick of it! They were making the most of it, dragging it out.

   After Chris had finished his fighting session of talking a foreign language dancing like a ritual, I grabbed him by his jacket and said ”I don’t want to fight you” Then I pushed him away from me! He stumbled over a bit then fell head first backwards and might have clipped his head on the step where my helmet had flung passed earlier! Littleman instantly came running over and just laid into me with all his power! I put my hands up to defend myself & he said what are you doing like Simon says! Tricking me into putting my hands down then beating me profusely.  I lay on the floor worried to death about my health, I thought if I laid there they might go away, so I lay on the floor with my hands covering my head! Next thing I know they line my head up, like a penalty spot to kick a football! The damage was immense, it hurt more than words could ever explain! Then my friend said something “wow wow” Made no difference, they did it again! I’m not sure who kicked me because I couldn’t see. These people were the worst bully/yobbo/gypsy/scum you will ever find on planet earth. I had a lumps on my head for weeks.

   

   When I stood up after the kicks I held my head it hurt so much and slouched, I was three quarters dead at this stage and I wanted to go home! Littleman said “Your not going to tell anyone about this are you” I said “I don’t even know you” Littleman said “ I’ll kill ya” I was so scared for my life, I walked over to my moped and Anthony jumped off it & stamped his foot at me! I ran like I’ve never ran before, the best sprint I’ve ever had to do. I ran around the lake waiting for them to follow me. I was going to run to the nearest house to ask for help when, my friend shouted “They’re gone” Matthew got my helmet out of the lake with a stick and gave it to me, I put it on even though it was drenched! I forgot my glove so my friend went back for it! I left the park a different way because I thought they would close line me off my bike, if I went the same way they did! When I was on the road home I looked at the time it was nearly 9 o’clock in the morning and it takes me 15 minutes to get home! I kissed the ground when I did! They attempted to kill me any way possible all night! The heart attack was one of the ways they tried to murder me! Spent 7 hours with those people fighting for my life the whole time. They were the most indecent cowardly no respect for human life people I have ever met. It’s very sad what happened that night. Even at my prom I still had two black eyes. The year was 2005 the start of June. Also after a couple of months I fell out with 1 of my friends & they told them where I live, I was asleep at Christmas time at my dads house it was about 4 o’clock in the morning when I heard a tapping at the window, I was so tired, but I woke myself up (I had to) To see the blonde bald person at my window with a tool that looked like a crow bar obviously trying to break in! I got out of bed & raised my fist at him he backed away from the window! I went straight back to sleep! He was gone for now, It ruined my whole persona on life at my homes, also I was getting phone calls with people saying they were going to cut me up, someone killed my cat as well! I had to worry constantly now… The torment & torture continued!

   I was also informed by a close friend who lives in Malvern that Chris Willis lives in a crack house, & makes heroin at his home  in Malvern link near Matalan! Littleman is a hobo but also lives in Malvern, a place called the royal estate! I’m physically & mentally even physiologically damaged! I was very, very, very ill for 3-4 days after the event in bed! I was too scared to go to hospital in case they were there! Which continued. I was too scared to even leave the house for years & years! I hear their voices & have nightmares about them everyday! I worry about them being outside my house all night, I can't sleep! They had totally disabled me. I stopped socialising all together. I received psychiatric help ever since, I’ve had physiatrists, psychologists, mental health nurses, CPN's, NLP, councillors, counselling e.t.c e.t.c I have even been put in mental hospital for over 8 months of my life! I've been on at least 15 types of anti-phycotic medicines all day everyday 24/7 for the last 10 years! They said that the incident helped trigger & contributed to my post traumatic stress! I was NEVER, the same Elliot after that night, what happened was so wrong! I was an innocent little boy a child! Never touched a drug since, for obvious reasons & I was so worried about my health! I played the whole night like an angel so I could go to the police! But after they threatened to kill me, I was so scared for my well being, I didn’t!  It’s like the James Bulger story! This is only the basics to the complete nightmare, but it is all true & feel free to ask me any questions! It couldn’t really be much worse! That’s the worst thing in prison adults beating up children. I want my piece of mind back! Justice must be served… They were child killers.

Elliot Michael Holland-Hanbury

[lovebubblechoices]

Frozen Forget-me-not

Author’s note : This, was requested a lot (no pressure haha ><) and then my twisted silly mind imagined this. I hope you will like it as much as I liked writting it. Of course it will be angsty and sad for the most part at the begining but the theme is not easy. There’s an accident, a car accident + coma involved. I’m not a specialist by the way so don't get mad at me… I’m doing it for the Community so feedback would be nice you know, just saying… Of course, apart from MC (Victoria “Vicky” Monroe) every characters belong to Pixelberry and lastly, as usual, English is not my first language so be nice and enjoy!

Word count : 2,346 (woopsie…)

Tags : @missmiimiie - @caroldxnvxrs - @unusualvisionsblog - @acourustic -@faithhasnowords - @wvndora - @tiki-tay​ - @noboundariesplease​ - @openheart12​ - @youcancallmeanet​ - @edgiestwinter​ -  @basicgirlwithbasicdreams​ - @nhievyenne​ - You, maybe?

Chapter 1 : The Downfall

The ambulance was rushing toward the hospital at full speed and with the lights on. Rafael Aveiro was driving as his own life was on the line and the other paramedics within the ambulance were scared to death.

« You’re gonna get us killed Rafael! Slow down Jesus Christ! »

But the driver was so stressed he did not and then responded something in Portuguese while his brain could not proceed English at the moment. He never was so stressed by his job really; for him it was just about saving countless lives and heroism, making his Nana proud even. But tonight, as he hurried to Edenbrook hospital everything felt different. Rafael’s beliefs were shaken because of his friend lying at the back of the ambulance.

The night had started correctly for Dr. Victoria Monroe, just like any other nights when she wasn’t working. She had planned a lovely evening on her own, outside of Boston for once. What she did not planned at all was for her car to get hit by a trunk on her way back at some crossroad in Boston. Everything happened fast - her checking the road twice, her driving carefully then some horn on her right side and blinding lights, her screaming while the trunk get closer and closer. Finally brutal noises of shattering metal while the car took a dramatic fly in the air only to fall on concrete completely destroyed and its owner left unconscious inside. She had been bleeding nonstop and her life was endangered since then. When the ambulance arrived and that the paramedics managed to get her outside the still-steaming wreck, Rafael recognized her on the spot and insisted on driving whereas he was supposed to be in the back with her. The heartbreak was too much to handle for him - seeing one of the few he loved and cared about in this critical situation. Thankfully the ambulance finally arrived an eternity later, which was in fact 25 minutes later because of the speed and much to his displeasure, Rafael ran into Dr. Varma and Trinh.

« What do we g- VICKY??!!! » Jackie shouted, shocked as ever. « I’ll get her to the OR » indicated Sienna who was trying her best to remain calm and professional despite it was her bestie in front of her. « How long had she been unconscious Rafael? » asked Jackie « At least for 30 minutes I’d say... » the young man responded. « I don’t know her vitals, I was driving... probably too fast » he smiled to himself.

He left without another word, lost in his thoughts. Jackie sighed and went back to her other patients since she wasn’t a surgeon, unlike Bryce or Harper Emery. The young talented doctor wiped forming tears in her eyes as she smiled weakly. She was hoping her friend would be taken care of by Dr. Emery. She feared Bryce would paralysed in front of a lifeless Victoria. But she wasn’t worried that much: Edenbrook was considered to be the Elite. What could possibly go wrong?...

***

Dr. Emery had Dr. Lahela step down for this one. He usually assisted her because she could tell he was one of the most driven surgeon-to-be in here but the young fellow became paralysed when he heard it was Dr. Monroe and that it was ugly, very ugly. But he accepted his fate and welcomed it with some sort of relief. At least, he wouldn’t be the one to blame if the situation messed up and that comforted him somehow but deep down… he was genuinely worried for his friend – he had caught Harper’s look studying the body and he knew what it meant.

No good.

But Victoria, or Vicky for friends, was tough; a true force of nature. Surprisingly enough Bryce came to wonder if she had any lover… He wasn’t quite sure why the thought hit him but there he was gazing in front of him without noticing anything strange or out of the ordinary on the wall. As if the wall could give him that answer. Was it the terror of losing her for good that made him think of potential boyfriends she could have?

For sure, Bryce Lahela could have easily been one of them. At some point, the two were flirting back and forth but it was mostly pick-up lines that made them laugh like idiots. But there was somebody in the picture since last year because he wasn’t on the DT but Bryce noticed small changes in her behavior and he had teased Vicky multiple times about this but she never said anything. It was her secret and her lover’s.

“Not practicing with Harper tonight Lahela?” asked a deep masculine voice.

“Ah! Dr. Ramsey!” said Bryce, looking up. “No… Not tonight. Or this current one at least” he sighed in deafeat.

“How come?”

“I… I could mess it up Dr. Ramsey” Bryce explained “and obviously, I don’t want to” he added thoughtfully.

“I’ve been told you’re one of the promising one Lahela. Why the fear?”

“It’s one of friends in there… How do you put distance between your carrer and your personal feelings Dr. Ramsey?” Bryce genuinely asked the older doctor.”

“I guess everyone’s different Lahela” Dr. Ramsey chuckled.

He was giving the young surgeon the impression his argument for stepping down wasn’t valid but truth was Ethan Ramsey understood the young lad too much. He almost replied that he went to the Amazon for that same reason.

 ***

“I guess I’ll learn with time…” sighed Bryce.

“Who is it, if I may ask?”

“Oh… hum. Probably the best among our small gang. Dr. Monroe’s in there, fighting for her life and I literally cannot step up for the challenge…” the surgeon sighed once again.

“If you’ll excuse me Lahela… I have business to attend to” Ramsey uttered in a slow monotone voice.

“Oh! Of course Dr. Ramsey. Thank you for your time…” simply replied Bryce and Ethan nodded as he continue down the corridor.

***

He. Had. Not. Been. There. For. Her.

There was an earthquake beneath his feet. What kind of doctor he thought he was? What kind of man even? Ethan Ramsey couldn’t think straight. He wanted to go in the OR and helped Harper but could he? Could he help her colleague saving the woman he loved more than his own life?... He wasn’t so sure about that but his pager decided otherwise.

Need you in OR 2. HE

He was screwed. He wasn’t ready to see Victoria on the operating table but hell must be damned: he needed her in his life even if they were doomed to stay colleagues. He must do something, he had to save her. Everything but losing her.

Ethan clenched involuntarily his fists because of the anger growing in him. He was angry with him because he wasn’t able to protect her and he was angry with her because apparently, it was a 50/50 chance to save her. Why on Earth she had been outside of Boston? Why she hadn’t told him about her plans for tonight? Why she hadn’t texted him?

You idiot! You hate texting. And you make excuses up – boundaries, personal development and so on. The diagnostician hated himself. He ran down the corridor the other way and entered the Operating Room n°2 after he dressed up appropriately. Then, he silently acknowledged Harper and came by her side where she was doing was she did best…

Ethan mechanically followed Harper’s orders but his mind was focused on the body lying down the operating table. His hands were slightly shaking but still precise. That was his way to keep control over the whole situation but he knew he couldn’t hold this for long. The dam was thinner and emotions were ready to flood everything and everyone else.

Ethan was on thin ice.

***

After multiple surgeries and countless hours, Victoria’s state was finally stabilized and therefore she was put in a coma and transferred to the intensive care unit. She will be able to make it thanks to Harper Emery’s talent and dedication for her job. Ramsey was glad he had not lost it but he was exhausted and his early day shift wasn’t finished yet. He had to meet Mrs. Monroe and informed her about her daughter and this was dreadful even though Victoria Monroe was out of danger for now.

He called her name in the waiting area of Edenbrook and instantly a middle-aged woman stood up and walked towards him. Ramsey took a minute to detail the woman before him as they exchanged a formal handshake.

She had seemingly soft grey short hair that were unmistakably blonde when she was younger. Dark green eyes lighten her tired features and a worried smile soften her angular yet beautiful face. Ethan could say Mrs. Monroe was an elegant woman and a quick look to her clothes confirmed it. He also assumed a wealthy background but clearly the Monroes weren’t the richest but provided for their daughter or children if Victoria had siblings. He closed the door behind her and gentlemanly offered a seat which she accepted hastily. Then, he went behind his desk, sat and faced her for the first time.

“What happened? I’ve been told my daughter’s been transferred to intensive care” she sobbed quietly.

“That’s correct Mrs. Monroe. Would you like a glass of water before we continue?” he asked her.

He grabbed a plastic goblet and put some water in it before handed it to the lady. She accepted it gracefully and waited for him to unfold the events for her. Ethan Ramsey returned to his desk and explained as calm as he possibly could the events to the worried mother. He wished his own mother was like this but it never ever had been the case. That woman walked on them when he was only 9.

“But is she saved?”

“It’s too soon to be assertive but I know her quite well… she’s a tough one.” He smiled.

“That she is.” confirmed Vicky’s mother. “Could I see her anytime soon?”

“Not for a week at least, I’m sorry.”

“No, no! I understand Doctor. Don’t apologize for doing your work. I appreciate honesty. It’s just… hard, you know? She’s my baby” she justified herself.

“Don’t worry Mrs. Monroe, I perfectly understand it” Ethan assured her in return.

“Her friends must be devastated…” she tought for herself “I’m sorry but… do you know if there’ll be consequences? After-effects due to the coma?...”

Ethan Ramsey took the time to respond. This was a serious matter and he did not know the answer for sure. He sighed heavily as he was facing the truth also for himself.

“The coma here is designed to help the recovery, to ease it. The risks of after-effects are great and unfortunately” his tone darken “the loss of her memory is plausible at this stage. Depending on how long Victoria stays in coma”.

Silence enveloped them afterwards. Then, Mrs. Monroe looked Dr. Ramsey right in the eyes and said:

“Thank you Dr. Ramsey for you know… saying the truth and only the truth to me. And also caring this much for her. As I said, I feel very lucky she has you.”

“No need Mrs. Monroe. I’m just doing my job and… And she means a lot to me” Ethan vaguely concluded.

 If only you knew what your daughter meant to me, you’d be terrified dear… Ethan was trying to stay focused but his mind kept running back to the accident, to the fact that he wasn’t there with her when it happened. Moreover, there were all the things he left unsaid on purpose because he thought that was the best thing to do for both of them but now, he was losing her as Victoria was lying in a bed in the intensive care unit.

If only I had not been such of fool of myself… We’d be the power couple of Edenbrook and nothing could stop us from being the best diagnosticians… Ethan Ramsey sighed but he did not feel defeated as he had felt defeated when Naveen was dying and he didn’t know what to do. With Victoria, he instinctively knew what to do. He knew he had to be there for her, talk to her, wait for her to return from the darkness she was in. All he had to do was waiting for her to come back to him but the wait already promised to be ridiculously long and painful.

Ethan Ramsey promised Victoria’s mom to inform her of any development on her daughter’s case. Then he stood up, imitated by Mrs. Monroe. He accompanied her to the hospital exit and ran into Naveen who was looking for his protégé.

“How are you feeling my boy?”

“Exhausted and nervous. I extended my shift because Harper needed me” Ethan explained.

“I heard yes…” Naveen nodded “and about that Ethan…” he said cautiously “I should dismiss you of the case.” Naveen clarified sadly.

Ethan let out a sigh. Deep down he knew Naveen would do such a thing but he could he accept it without a word? Not that easy. “Listen, I know I’m close –“

“Ethan… I hope you know it is to protect both of you. What did exactly happen in Miami last year by the way?”

“I… We…” Ethan hesitated. “She kissed me” he finally murmured.

“I KNEW IT” Naveen shouted in the hall overjoyed. “You deserve happiness my boy, so does she”

“Maybe you’re right… But don’t dismiss me, I need her and she’ll need me”

“I won’t for now but I hope you’re aware she might not recognize you when she wakes up…” inquired Naveen

“Yeah… I know the risks. But I am willing to take them. She’s worth it” asserted Ethan.

For the first time in his life, Ethan Ramsey was willing to fight for a woman. Naveen smiled mischievously and pated Ethan on the shoulder.

“Congratulations my boy, you’re in love.” he beamed.

Ethan chuckled and they parted ways.

[notyetneedcoffee]

Soul Seer

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: None this Chapter, but later

Author’s Note: Takes place right after Avengers 1, with time travel elements and hints of Infinity Wars. Does NOT follow cannon after Avengers. 

* * *

You stared at the locked door. The deep sinking feeling that you somehow royally screwed up made your stomach flop over. Sure, it was a nice conference room with interesting prints, comfortable leather chairs and carafes of coffee and water sitting full. You turned back to the tall dark wood door, a nice room with a nice locked door.  

Staring at the lock, wondering why you’d been brought here only felt mildly less disturbing than taking in the view. From this high in Stark Tower, you could see the massive devastation from the attack. Debris from buildings and alien ships created a horrific landscape. No one knew how many bodies there were under all that concrete. No one knew how many were human and how many weren’t.

It all seemed too much. Aliens. The sky opened up and aliens poured through a portal earlier in the day. The sun’s rays were just beginning to wane, but the day already lasted a lifetime. You’d been working, thankfully, in a laboratory in the middle of the 23rd floor. Apparently, your office was completely open to sky now. One of the techs said the Hulk smashed straight through and squashed a contingent of alien intruders with your desk.  

You glanced at the coffee, desperately wishing it was something stronger. You may not be much of a drinker, but a stiff whiskey would be good about now.

Instead, you stood and stretched to let go of some of the tension.  

The lock clicked and you spun to the door. Tony Stark walked in. Only he didn’t look the same. It wasn’t the tiredness around his eyes or the difference in his hair. It was his aura. The normal brilliant sapphire and energetic shots of indigo looked fractured by spidery veins of painful crimson and foggy white.  

He calls it your gift, you think it’s a curse sometimes. You could see auras, emotions, truth. You just saw more.  

“Y/N, if I need you to do something,” Tony spoke with his jaw so tight, you barely saw it move. “something difficult, something terrible, but something that may prevent events even worse than today from happening in the future, will you do it? I can’t explain anything more, and you can’t tell anyone. Ever.”  

You’d never seen such resolve from him. The weight of his request sat on your chest. It tasted like bitter coffee and tears. But underneath, buried deep, a flicker of hope pushed forth like winter crocus battling the snow to feast upon the sun. The generally driven, intelligent, yet jovial man you knew who craved instant gratification was gone. This was a different version, but Tony nonetheless, and he was asking for help.  

“You know I would. I don’t know what’s happened, but ...” You stopped, not know the words to convey the depth of the sorrow you perceived. Hot tears spilled from your eyes. Tony stepped forward, wrapping his arms around you. He held on tight for a moment. You clung to him, whispering “I’m sorry.”

He jumped back, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Come on, Miss Y/LN, time for you to get to work.”

Stark led you to a section of the tower you’d never seen. You didn’t have clearance. Although Stark, and even S.H.I.E.L.D., put your talents to good use, your exposure remained limited. This was Tony’s R&D floor. Glancing sideways at him, he made an over exaggerated shushing motion and you nearly giggled.  

At the end of the hall a wall of heavily armed men watched a door that looked more like the entrance to a high-tech bank vault. Likely it wasn’t too far from the truth. The men in uniform radiated aggression and fear, beating against you worse than heavy bass booming from broken speakers. Your steps moved a little closer to Stark.  

“Hey there, Red Dawn, I’m taking my specialist in to see the out of town guest. Make sure room service doesn’t bust in, won’t you?” Tony wrapped the armed man nearest the door with the back of his knuckles.  

“He’s in lock down.” The soldier shook his head.  

“Listen,” Stark’s voice went hard. “I’ve had a really shitty day, so I don’t want to argue with you. This is my tower, you’re still on my payroll, and until Fury decides to roll up and butt his nose in, it’s still my show.” He activated the biometric lock and motioned for you to enter.  

Inside a small observation room looked into another, empty except for a tall black-haired figure in green and black leather. He turned, staring at you with flaming green eyes. Your feet froze to the spot and your mouth went dry. In your sight, he shone like the terrifying fire of the sun.  

“Do not worry.” A deep voice rumbled from the corner. “His shackles bind his magic.”

“I saw him on the news. He’s the one.” Your eyes still did not leave the captivating gaze of the prisoner.  

“Loki.” Stark sighed.  

Your head snapped around. You expected rage, fear, wrath. Instead a mournful, tired resolve poured off of him. “I don’t understand. He just attacked us.”

“My brother is not himself.” An enormous man stepped out from the corner. You’d only seen pictures, but recognized him as Thor. However, he too looked different than the news clips from earlier today. You had to avert your eyes. He radiated a crackling white light. It was like an arch welder. He must have misunderstood. “Please, I do not mean to offend. Do not doubt. He will answer for his crimes.”

“It’s not that.” You got a better hold on yourself and turned back to him. Thor’s presences reminded you of high mountain running water. Fresh and vital. “I wasn’t expecting you and it was a little blinding.”

“The mystical vision thing.” Tony waggled his fingers in the air.

“You can really see the true nature of someone? See the truth behind the lies?” Thor asked, leaning forward and taking your forearm in his giant hand. His touch felt hot.

“Yes.”  

“What do you see when you look at me?”  

“We don’t have time for this.” Tony growled.

“You shine brighter than anyone I’ve ever met except for him,” You jerked your head towards the cell. “And the Ancient One who taught me to live with my sight.”

“Wait.” Tony cut in. “Ancient One?”

“When my brain tumor became terminal, I found her. She taught me to open up my sight, and by opening my sight somehow the tumor began to recede. It’s like I have to use that part of me, or it turns caustic.” You sighed, and gave Tony a small smile. “It sounds insane, but I always thought she was immortal or something. At least something more than human.”

“What of my brother?”

You looked, really looked, at Loki for the first time. Bright bluish silver bled to emerald in sharp spiky energy. It was not like Thor’s energy at all. It prickled like frozen fingers. Something else writhed around him, pulling at the more beautiful greens. It flowed from his head, deep violet and nearly opaque. Still, he stared at you with an unwavering glare.  

“What more is he?” You asked, not looking away.  

“Loki is a Prince of Asgard.” Thor began but you cut him off.

“Not that. I don’t know enough about Asgard to say for sure, but all people – all humans – have a similarity to them. He’s very different from you.” It just presented as a feeling. “He’s hiding his true face.”

“Uh, ‘cause he’s a liar.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“You can see that?” Thor breathed. “Can you see through his glamour?”

“Huh?”  Tony spun to look at Loki.

“I’m not sure.” Allowing yourself to open up a little further and trying to ignore the sensations assaulting your perception from the men beside you, the sight of Loki began to shift. A bit like a double exposed photograph, there were two in the same space. The handsome, dark and dangerous man with pale skin and radiant green eyes hovered just above the exotic being with patterned blue skin and red eyes. On his angular features, it was the most alluring thing you’d seen.  

“Blue.” You breathed. “Gorgeous.”  

“By the Norns.” Thor smiled. “This might work.”

“Speaking of which,” Tony took your hand. “You’ve got to get busy. I’m gonna let you in on the secret.”

You listened, having trouble believing even though you knew he was telling the truth. Today marked a crossroads. One direction led to half of everyone, everywhere, disappearing into nothingness. The other was unknown, but was the one path that may avoid that fate. Tony didn’t tell you details, but long ago you learned to suppress the curiosity when answers would likely gain you nothing and cause other people pain.

“You’re not the same Tony who brought me coffee yesterday, are you?”

“That was a long time ago, kid.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath. Tried to sort it all out in your head. The last twenty-four hours changed everything. Nothing would ever be the same again. “What do you need me to do?”

“Something is influencing my brother’s mind. We need him to see clear enough to tell the Avengers what is really happening so that we may have hope to battle the true enemy.”

“Avengers?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Us. You know, the mighty heros.”

“Alright.” You moved towards the door, but stopped when Tony grabbed your arm. “I have to go in there.”

“Then we will stay, as long as we can.” Thor nodded.  

Your hands felt numb as you reached for the door. The ridiculous thought that you were thankful you’d worn jeans instead of a summer dress skipped across your mind. You felt stronger in jeans and boots. You entered the room, immediately noticing the window was one way. Loki had been staring directly at you through a mirror.

His chin rose, but his eyes trailed down your body and back up again. The corner of his mouth curved up. “Nice of them to send me such a lovely mortal to entertain me while I wait.”

“My name is Y/N.”

“I don’t care.”

Moving closer to him, cautiously, “I shouldn’t be here.” You felt his interest pique. “But I wasn’t going to let them stop me.”

He lowered himself onto the bench with slow control.  

You took a step closer. “I am fascinated by what I see when I look at you.”  

“What would that be, little mortal? An opportunity? Do you wish to serve your King?” He purred, deep and seductive.  

“I see your brilliance, a life force like I’ve never witnessed.” A wicked grin spread across his face at your words. You now stood just of reach of his bound hands. “But there’s something unnatural clinging to you mind, dimming the shining aura you project. What can I do to rid you of this darkness?”  

“Darkness!” Loki hissed viciously, leaning forward. “You know not of darkness, foolish girl.”

“It clings to your mind, flaring like an angry beast as we’ve spoken. While you stared at me through the mirror it was calmer.” You told him. “I can see it. It not you, not from you.”

“You know nothing!” He spat.

“Am I lying?” You made a calculated guess. “You’re the God of Lies. Am I?”

He stood with blinding speed. You couldn’t help the flinch, but didn’t back away. Loki leaned close, tilting his head, examining. The movements were feral, predatory. He smelled of something like cedar and leather. Up close you realized he looked equally beautiful and deadly.

“How?” Loki hissed, and you felt his breath on you cheek.

“I see energies, auras.” You whispered. “I’m an empath, and somehow at times I understand even more.”

Suddenly Loki’s mind smashed into yours. Like rough fingers digging into nerve sensitive flesh, it flashed with pain and you instinctively retreated. You heard his mental laugh. The severity of the situation wouldn’t allow you to back down, though. Knowing you could not fight, you surrendered. Breathing in the pain, you relaxed and opened up on the exhale.

He paused, thrown off guard.  

Your eyes locked for a moment, before you closed your eyes and tipped your face closer to his. Again you whispered. “Am I lying?”  

Loki’s intrusion felt less brutal, more cautious. He dug through your triumphs, your pain, your loves and your shame. The world as you knew it ended today. There was no point hiding. Your life was small, insignificant, in comparison to everything that happened. Everything that could happen. If Loki needed to see your mind to be convinced, then you would lay yourself bare.  

You were lightheaded when he withdrew. Feeling cool fingers on yours, you opened your eyes. Loki’s face no longer held the fury from a moment ago. It’s been replaced with curiosity. “You are a very rare Midgardian. I thought all of your kind died out a thousand years ago.”

“Will you let me help you?” You clasped his fingers. His nostrils flared, the darkness failed around his aura, rabid and angry. “The fury you feel right now, that just happened, it’s not yours. Something happened to you. I just want to help.”  

“I am here to subjugate your people.” A tendril of something close to shame broke the fierceness of his voice. “How many died by my hand today?”

“Don’t know. At this moment, I don’t care.” You gave him a sideways grin. “Come on, I’ve shown you mine. Show me yours.”

Loki tried to scowl, but a small genuine grin split his visage. “You’ve seen pain, Y/N. However, such agonies exist in my mind that your mortal body would never survive.”

“Please, Loki.”

“I don’t know what you think you will be able to do.” He trailed off.

“If we fight it together, I can help you identify what action it – whatever it is – takes. Let me help.”

“There are things I know.” He worked his jaw. “Secrets I have.”

“I’m not here to take your secrets. Any that come to me I will keep.” You knew Stark was probably loosing his mind over that statement, but you meant it.

“I do not have the control for what you suggest while these things are on.” Loki turned and looked at the mirror for the first time. “I could tear her mind apart without proper control. My mind is full of very strong defenses.”

The door behind you opened and Loki scowled hard. Thor walked in.  

“New look.” Loki scoffed. “Doesn’t suit you.”

“If I remove your bindings, what assurance do I have that you won’t kill her and escape?” Thor frowned.  

“Your army of toy soldiers in the hall are not enough?” Loki baited Stark.

“Loki.” You placed a restraining hand upon his arm.  

He turned back to his brother. Many unsaid words stretched between them. Somehow, though, you knew they communicated their intentions nonetheless. Eventually, Loki’s eyes softened. “I swear on Mother’s life that I will do everything in my power not to hurt her.”

“And?” Tony rolled his eyes.

“I will not try to escape during this exercise.” Loki smiled devilishly.  

“Yeah, well-“ Stark began, but stopped when Thor reached for Loki’s wrists. “Whoa, wait.”

“Loki would never swear against our mother. Never.”

As the bindings came off, Loki rubbed his wrists. “Now get out.”

“Listen, Reindeer Games…”

“Out!”

Thor pulled an anxious Stark from the room. Loki extended his hand in invitation. You accepted and allowed him to lead you back to the bench. Straddling the seat, facing one another, he pulled you close so your knees touched.  

“You’re sure about this, little one?”

Every logical thought in your brain knew this was a bad idea, but your instincts knew it was imperative. “Yes.”

Loki’s long elegant fingers cupped your face, intimately as if he were about to kiss you. His skin felt cool against your flushed flesh. His eyes, now relaxed, danced with swinging emotions. You could almost see the battle raging within him.

“You may encounter a mental barrier before I consciously lower it. We may have to start again if that happens. I will do everything I can to resist the urge to lash out. Do not push if I’m fighting.” Loki instructed.

“Go slow. Stay low. Don’t be a threat. Got it.” Your lip twitched.  

“Alright.” Loki sighed. “I’ll show you.”

Time lost all meaning as images, emotions, memories and primal urges blew about your mind like debris in a maelstrom. You quickly recognized that your mind saw the true Loki with sharp edges, while the other manifested in your minds-eye like dark gooey slime. The slime tried to latch onto you as you tore it free, but it was slippery and you flung it away. It vanished.  

With determination, you mentally tore at the slime, wrenching it free of the pieces of Loki you contacted. Each touch making you feel fearful, disgusted, as it preyed on your own darkest instincts. Loki’s emotions and memories grew stronger as you pushed deeper into the storm. Images of worlds you’d never imagined, languages you didn’t recognize, people you’d never seen, you somehow knew through the connection.  

Exhilaration and mischievous glee melded with acute curiosity and joy.  

You pluck at one cluster of memory and Loki’s entire being roared. It vibrated painfully through you. The slime pulled, but you did not move, did not let go. The pain and anguish slashed out. You took it. You cried. The pain remained, but the screaming stopped. You mentally pulled the piece to your chest, wiping away the dark gunk bit by tiny bit. Each clean patch shown fresh and raw.  

Loki’s voice howled through your mind. You wept and offered what soothing you could.

Horrid images flashed. Torturous burnings, painful cutting spikes, an alien purple face.  

Piece by piece you continued. The agony retreated. Other memories came into focus, not all of them bad. Eventually, you could only pluck at the smallest remnants of the darkness that once covered everything. You felt Loki pull back, gently.

As you came back to yourself, you realized you felt Loki’s cool breath upon your neck. You held each other tight, your hands in his hair and his clutching at your back. Your legs wrapped around his waist. Tears, still flowing, poured from your eyes. Loki sighed almost imperceptibly.

You opened your eyes.

Standing there, staring dumbly, were most of the Avengers...including the Tony you knew from your time. The others were gone.

Moments later you were marched into a large, locked down interview room with a proper table and more chairs than it could accommodate.  

“These really aren’t necessary, brother.” Loki held his hands out as Thor connected the bindings. “I promise I will sit through your interview as long as (Y/N) remains here.”

You sat in the chair beside him and fought the urge to put your head on his shoulder and nap. Bone deep exhaustion overtook you as soon as you’d pulled free of the connection. “Can we please get on with it?”

“Sure. Fine. I’ll start with the questions.” Tony threw his hands in the air. “What. The. Fuck.”

“I was sitting, seething away in my little cell, when your Soul Seer here wondered in. She said she sensed a malicious presence.” Loki grinned wickedly. “It wasn’t even me.”

“Huh?”

“What?”  

“Explain.” Thor leaned closer.

“Hold on.” Natasha put a hand up. “Soul Seer?”

“I see auras, emotions, and other. . .  things.” You sighed.

“Her mystical vision that Fury wants his grubby hands on.” Stark muttered.  

“There was something tainting him.” You looked at Loki. “It was malignant, feeding off of every negative emotion, every bit of pain. Even when I touched it, I felt the urge to lash out. I’m not certain what it was, but it was strong and self-contained. It reminded me of a parasite.”  

“Loki?” Thor dared to have the smallest glimmer of hope in his eyes.  

“She’s right. I knew it was there, but - because of it - I didn’t care.” He paused for a long moment. “Thinking clearly now, I know the difference. There’s much we need to discuss.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you set loose an alien army on the city.” Steve Rogers frowned heavily.  

“If Loki was under the control of an unknown entity, then-” Thor began.

“That’s according to just her.” Natasha cut in.  

At the same time Tony cut off Thor, “We don’t even know what it is.”

The door opened and another man walked in. You gaped and pointed. “It was like that, just a hundred times worse.”

They all turned to Clint Barton, then slowly turned back to you.

“He has the same ‘stuff’ clinging to him. Only it’s more of a light gray not black, and there’s only traces. On Loki, it was black and invasive. It was-”

“The mind stone.”

“Very good, Banner.” Loki drawled. “I’m amazed you put it together.”

“You were the one turning everyone into meat puppets, Reindeer Games. Let’s not forget that.” Tony growled.

“Who turned the stone on you first?” Thor grabbed his brother’s arm.

Loki’s jaw clenched. He stared hard at the table, silent.  

“Loki!” Thor growled.  

You placed your hand on his clenched fingers. Slowly they released, instead taking your small hand in both of his. “Thanos.”

[ayellowcurtain]

SKAM NL S3 EP2 - Lucas Van Der Heijden

Nothing happened, they just talked. 

Lucas doesn’t understand why his brain keeps reminding him of bright brown eyes looking at him. It was dark outside, but Lucas could clearly see Milan’s eyes and his memory kept every little detail. Not just his eyes but the way he looked at Lucas even when the group of girls came and dragged them back to the party.

Lucas didn’t have the time or the courage to ask for his number or social media or anything. So now he’s stuck, looking at his phone. He wrote Milan in every way he could think Milan could be written. And none of the profiles that Instagram suggested is his Milan.

He looks at the ceiling, dropping his phone by his side, hit by his own nonsense. His fucking Milan. What a stupid thought. 

Lucas has no idea of his last name either so his research is a dead end.

“I need some help…” Ralph comes in uninvited like always, pushing Lucas’ legs to the side so he can sit on his bed. “Does this guy look creepy?” Lucas takes a second to sit on the bed, looking at the picture. It’s a shirtless guy and the angle is so weird, you can barely see his face.

“How will I know?” Ralph sighs, looking at the picture again, showing the picture to Jayden too. He also sits on his bed but cares enough to get Ralph’s phone, touching the screen with two fingers to zoom in.

“You wanna fuck him?” Lucas takes a deep breath, looking at Ralph as he shrugs and thinks about it for a second. “If he’s just a piece of ass...” Jayden shrugs too and gives the phone back.

“Does he wanna be fucked?” Lucas tries, relaxing against the window behind him. He doesn’t know why he’s even engaging in this conversation, Ralph can get carried away sometimes.

“I don’t think any of us has any problem fucking, to be completely honest.” Jayden nods his head, relaxing against the wall, looking at his own phone, but still listening to the conversation.

“What do you need our help for then?”

“I think he’s one of those straight guys.” Lucas frowns, looking at the blonde that’s still staring at the same picture. “You know the ones.”

He feels his entire face warming up and Jayden laughs. He doesn’t know “the ones” in person, but he heard about it and he can also imagine. It doesn’t mean he likes the stupid jokes and how Jayden and Ralph act like they know every inch of him. They don’t. He knows there’s nothing he can say that will make them change their minds.

Everyone stays in silence and Lucas grabs his phone again. He’s sick of the unknown already, so he goes to Janna’s Instagram and types again: Milan.

Just like magic, there he is. How was Lucas so dumb? Of course, someone would have him by now. The profile picture doesn’t show much of his face, but just enough that Lucas can recognize him even with a beanie on and a hoodie covering his perfect mouth and jaw.

He doesn’t have many pictures posted, the last thing it’s a video, posted almost three months ago. Lucas makes sure to put it at the lowest volume before he can press play. 

Milan is skateboarding and the sun looks like it’s rising in the horizon, the streets are empty, but Milan keeps looking at both sides when passing by a crossroad. Whoever is filming calls for him and Milan turns his head, smiling so big, but he also looks tired, they were probably drunk, coming back from a party, Lucas has been there to know well the feeling and the faces with drunk smiles.

The stranger calls for Milan again after almost half a minute of silence and he looks back again, smiling, sticking his tongue out. He’s ridiculously handsome. Lucas wants to meet him, know more about the boy, his opinions if he still skates.

When he’s done watching the video for the fifth time, he realizes. If Milan ever looks again at the video, he’ll see Lucas’ name as one that watched the video after almost three months that he posted it. If he still uses Instagram but doesn’t post, he’ll know that Lucas was randomly stalking him today.

Lucas looks around the room again, Ralph is still on his phone, lying down on Lucas’ bed and Jayden is sitting on his bed, also very busy with his phone. If today is the day Milan sees his name and picture as one of the viewers on his video, Lucas might as well add him and play it cool. They talked for some time and they go to the same school, it’s ok to have each other on their social media.

Once that is out of the way, Lucas scrolls through the other posts, careful not to accidentally like random pictures. The bleached hair is new, he used to have his hair down to his shoulders almost two years ago, then it was shorter, very similar to Kes’, with wild curls pointing to every direction, but just a little lighter and then the Milan that he knows in person, with bleached hair that a few months back might have been a buzz cut. He keeps scrolling his notifications down, checking if there are new notifications, but it’s still empty. Maybe Milan really stopped using it and Lucas added him for no reason.

-

Lucas clicks on the button on the right side of his phone to check again: no new notifications. 

“Bro, stop looking at your phone, seriously. I’m talking to you!” Kes’ hand comes in front of his phone, moving from one side to the other so Lucas can look at him. He sighs and nods his head when Lucas finally puts his phone back inside his jeans pocket.

“What’s up?”

“What do you wanna do today after school? My parents are out if you wanna go to mine to chill for a little…” Lucas shakes his head. Going to Kes’ sounds good, he needs to relax and they haven’t spent that much time together these days. Lucas is trying to avoid the conversation that he knows Kes wants to have.

Kes will ask why he moved out, how his mom is doing, how is he doing, if Lucas is watching out for his mom even from afar, etc, etc. And Kes is right, Lucas should be taking care of her, but he just needed some time to himself after moving out. He’ll visit his mom soon.

It’s funny how they turned out to have two very different family situations. Lucas loves going to Kes’ place, it’s never fully empty, never completely organized, there’s a lot of people so he gets it that it’s hard to keep it clean all the time. And somehow the messiness makes it more like a home. 

“Sure, I can go to your place.” They shake hands and Kes smiles, giving him a hug. Jayden finally shows up, hanging himself around their shoulders.

“Hey, boys!” Lucas bends down just enough to get rid of Jayden’s arm around his shoulders and when he looks up to catch up on the conversation, he sees him, walking across the yard.

Light wash high waisted jeans, comfy and fitted black hoodie and mustard-y converse with white socks. He walks with so much confidence, both hands deep inside the front pockets of his jeans. It’s the most basic and yet, he looks like a model with all the style and the attitude. 

They’re very far from each other, but Milan turns his head just enough to catch Lucas’ eyes like he knew Lucas was staring at him. They keep looking at each other, Lucas can’t make his eyes look any other direction until someone comes right in front of him, too close even, and a kiss on the cheek makes him finally blink, adjusting his eyes to see who’s talking to him.

“How are you? Feeling better from the migraine?” Lucas needs one long breath in to remember when he had a migraine or what she’s even talking about. The blonde, small girl that apparently fell in love with him after a kiss or two. Emma. He didn’t have a migraine, but he said he had it so she could leave him alone at the party. He quietly left without saying goodbye after that.

“Yeah, thanks, I’m better.” He looks to his sides, Kes and Jayden seem more interested in her and her friends that are always by her sides. Lucas is too worried about himself to care. He should have chosen a different shirt this morning, this one is too old, he was too sleepy to mind it and now he looks like a child in front of Milan. He’s still on the other side of the yard, but he’s wearing sunglasses now.

Even if he can’t see his eyes, Lucas feels like he’s being watched. There’s no way to be sure from this far. If Milan is not looking, he’ll notice if Lucas starts staring at him. The thought doesn’t stop Lucas from looking anyway.

-

Maybe he should just stop being lazy and walk home, but it’s too hot and he doesn’t want to walk alone. Kes and Jayden went to Kes’ place and he didn’t feel like it, he’ll meet them later at whoever’s party they’re going to tonight. The Emma girl invited him (and the boys) to hang out later, but Lucas really doesn’t feel like it, so now he’s just praying something more interesting will show up.

Finally, the bus stops right in front of him and he puts his phone in his pocket, getting inside. As he looks to the back to see where he can sit on a nearly empty bus, he sees Milan getting in at the same time with the tiniest smile on his lips. There are only a few older people spread around the seats, there’s more than enough room for both of them to choose.

Lucas usually likes to seat in the back, as far away from strangers as he can. He doesn’t know what to do now, so he just walks to the back like he normally would do. Milan is looking at every row then back to Lucas like he’s waiting for Lucas to decide for him.

He stops in the corridor right next to the last row that has only two seats right next to each other. Milan raises his eyebrows, still standing, with his hand on the back of the seat that Lucas chose, he’s waiting for Lucas and so he goes to sit on the window seat and Milan finally sits by his side.

Milan is definitely not shy, he’s still constantly looking at Lucas while with a smile on his lips. A smile that says a lot that Lucas is not ready to admit. He’s looking at his hands and at Milan’s hands too. Lucas is not good with measurements, but he imagines their hands would fit well. His hands are a little bit smaller and paler.

As Milan is watching his every move, it’s probably not that hard to see what Lucas is looking at. He opens his right hand slowly with the palm up and with his left one, he runs his fingertips all the way from his palm to his fingers, holding his own hand and Lucas can’t help but laugh, shaking his head, looking out the window.

They stay in silence for way too long, Lucas wants to talk, to know Milan, but he doesn’t know what to say now that he was caught staring.

“Going home?” Milan finally asks and Lucas feels like he can breathe again.

“Yeah...you?” He looks at the other one and Milan nods his head, relaxing on his seat.

“Yes. No parties tonight?” Lucas opens his mouth slowly, his lips are dry and glued together, but he nods his head.

“There’s one I just...don't know if I’m going. And you? Why are you going home on a Friday?” Milan turns his body a little and Lucas feels like he can do the same and so he does, leaning against the window.

“I don’t know many people around here yet, but it’s nice to stay at home too. Don’t you like it?”

“I do sometimes, but it’s hard when you share your house, your bedroom…” He sighs, not daring to talk about his actual house situation.

“You share your bedroom?” Milan raises his eyebrows, but he’s not judging, his features are always soft when talking to Lucas.

“Yeah, unfortunately. I live with some friends.” It’s probably not the best to tell someone you’re interested in that you live with other invasive teenagers, but it’s better than if he was still with his mom.

“You don’t like your friends?” Lucas laughs, shaking his head.

“I like my friends. I just wish I had some privacy to smoke in peace, not having to share my joint or my bed.” Milan nods his head like he gets what Lucas means. For the first time since they sat down, Milan looks around and pats his pockets. When he seems to find whatever he was looking for, he puts his hand inside the pocket and pulls out slowly, showing his joint to Lucas.

“If you really don’t like to share, I can give this to you, but you could smoke at my house, we could eat something too…”

Lucas should think about Milan being a stranger and how being alone with him is not the smartest idea, but he accepts it without even second-guessing.

-

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to smoke. Lucas has never been so high. Milan’s couch feels like it’s filled with water, every little movement creates a wave in his body and all the way to Milan, sitting right next to him.

Lucas is not that bad of a person and he shared the joint, but Milan doesn’t seem as affected as him.

“Stay here, I’m gonna make something for us to eat.” Milan’s hand rests on his thigh as he talks and gets up. When he stops touching Lucas, the skin is still tingling where his hand rested. Lucas puts his hand on his thigh and holds it a little tighter, hoping that it would make him feel Milan’s touch again.

From the couch he can see the kitchen, it’s a very small apartment with some furniture, but it’s the minimum. It feels cozy and intimate and Lucas could easily live here.

Milan looks at him every once in a while and whenever that happens, they exchange smiles and private laughter. Lucas doesn’t know why they’re laughing, but it feels good, it calms his pounding heart a little.  

He gets up slowly, steadying himself on his feet before starting to slowly walk to the kitchen door, offering the joint for Milan to finish.

“I’m way too high.” He explains when Milan stops making sandwiches to look at the joint and to Lucas. Milan bends down a little and opens his mouth and Lucas feels his brain expanding a million times, almost exploding as he places the joint in between the pouty lips.

He swallows hard when he notices that his mouth was open, almost drooling while he was giving the joint back. Milan doesn’t seem to mind, raising his eyebrows as he goes back to giving the finishing touches to their sandwiches.

It looks delicious, but Lucas is sure even a shoe box would look delicious right now. He’s starving. He lost track of time a long time ago, but he’s sure they spent a whole lot of time, maybe hours just smoking on the couch, talking a little and enjoying the long silences, pretending like they weren’t looking at each other every few seconds.

Lucas stays at the door, watching Milan cook. He probably looks so gone, but he doesn’t mind. If Milan notices it’ll make his life so much easier.

Maybe it’s the weed, but Lucas wants to kiss him for hours and tell him all his secrets, Milan doesn’t seem to be the judgy type.

“You like cheese?”

Lucas frows, taking a second to answer.

“You’re really asking me if I like cheese? Who doesn’t like cheese?” Milan smiles as he can with the joint still in his mouth. He nods his head while putting the slices of bread on top of the four sandwiches he made.

“People who are lactose intolerant, probably.”

“Fuck you!” Milan seem to have an answer to that at the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t say it, just dabs the joint inside the sink and leaves it there, the tip of his tongue just wets his lips quietly and he offers Lucas the plate with their lunch.

“I’m just gonna get us some beer.”

Lucas holds the plate and turns on his feet to go back to the couch. As soon as he sits, Milan shows up at the kitchen door, showing him four cans of beer, but he puts it on the coffee table as someone knocks on the door.

He looks just as surprised as Lucas, Milan opens his mouth one and two times.

“Shit, I forgot about them. It’s just some friends, you can stay.” He explains as he walks back to the door, still looking at Lucas.

“I thought you didn’t have friends.” Lucas teases and Milan just raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes and Lucas understands the gesture like whoever is at the door isn’t really Milan’s “friends”.

He takes a deep breath before opening the door.

“I think I lost my keys…” The brunette girl says and another girl and a guy pass by her and Milan to get inside. They’re blocking most of Lucas’ view, but Lucas sees perfectly when the girl kisses Milan, putting both hands in his neck and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Lucas feels his empty stomach sinking as the other two walk back to the living room side by side.

[ofheroesandvillains]

Changing Gears 2 - Tony Stark

Tony Stark/Fem!reader Words: 3.8k Warnings: None really, mentions of “The Cave”. Summary: I said one for each movie and I lied. Don’t trust me…ever. Here’s another for Ironman 1! It’s kind of all over the place. Let me know if it’s trash, it’s been a loooong time.

(not my gif!)

Fear.

Fear wasn’t foreign to you. Your earliest encounter with it came at age 4. Now remember, you stay where I can see you, your father had said, and under no circumstances are you to go in the water without letting an adult know. He’d given you a stern look, one that seemed more at home on Howard’s face than his own. Understood? He’d asked, and you’d nodded.

But things never really go the way they’re supposed to. One minute you’re on the shoreline, digging a little pool into the wet sand, the next, the water is sweeping you away into its cold embrace and you’re left bobbing between the waves. The floaties kept you up, sure, but with each passing second the tide had carried you further and further from the shore, and your desperate cries for your father went unheard.

Or at least you thought they had.

“Hey, it’s alright, I got you. Just- just hold onto me, okay?”

He had no idea how to comfort a wailing child, but even at age 12, Tony Stark did the best he could. What seemed like miles to you (and was more likely a few feet), was quickly wadded through by the boy you’d only met once before.

He didn’t tell your father. It was a lesson learned and you were just a kid, he’d be damned if anyone punished you for their own neglect. You looked terrified and clung to him like a koala, he hadn’t left your side for the rest of the day. That was the day you became his friend. That was the day he became your hero.

---------

That seemed so silly now…drowning. How could the fear of drowning possibly compare to this?

If you took every fear you’d ever felt, stacked them on top of each other and played them in a never-ending loop in your mind for the rest of your life, it’d be a welcome change to the absolute terror that had seized your heart the moment you’d been notified of Tony’s disappearance.

Naturally, the media had lost its mind as soon as a statement was released. Posters, social media, tabloids, the news; everyone was talking about Tony Stark - the billionaire, the genius, the national icon, in the hands of ‘the enemy’. Activists were saying ‘good riddance’, and weeping fans littered the daily news channels, mourning a man they’d never known…a man who you couldn’t -wouldn’t- believe was really gone.

He’s Tony Stark, you’d remind yourself, there’s nothing he can’t do.

Realistically, you knew that the chances of his survival were slim. Your overactive mind had already tried to calculate the odds before you forced it to focus elsewhere. There was still a company to run, reporters to avoid, a billionaire to find.

Pepper took care of the first two for you, but only you could help with the last. She’d been great, Pepper. A godsend. There were hardly any fumes left for you to run on. Sweeping the planet for any sign of Tony was draining; mentally and emotionally. If Pepper hadn’t been there to all but spoon-feed you and tuck you into bed, you likely would have ended up in the ER weeks ago. I’m turning into Tony, you’d wryly thought. But the thought itself just made you miss the man even more.  

If anyone had it worse than you, it was probably Rhodey. He’d been more distraught than you’d ever seen him, and after all he’d experienced in his life and his career, that was certainly saying something. But it gave you someone who understood, someone who’d work long into the night with you to try and find a man you both refused to live without.

---------

“Why do you always make this so hard?”

Glassy eyes, pursed lips, drooping shoulders. You looked broken.

Maybe if he hadn’t been so drunk that night he would have understood what you meant. The alcohol never bothered you, not really. You’d scold him for it, take him home, tuck him in, leave Advil and a glass of water on his bedside table, and then repeat it all the next weekend. He’d take advantage of your kindness, because that’s what he did. He hurt the people closest to him.

He loved them, he’d do anything for them…but sometimes his self-depreciation outweighed that love. His whole life had been built on money and fame. He was used to getting what he wanted and the moment something threatened the status quo, he lashed out.

Years later, he would look back and barely remember that night. You hadn’t spoken to him for days afterward and that was the only reason he even cared to remember it at all. There were snippets of memories in his head; a man - a good-looking one, standing a little too close to you at an event, an irrational anger, an argument, and a bruised jaw the morning after.

He’d made excuses and begged for forgiveness, how could he not? Deep down Tony knew what emotion had fuelled him that night, and it was one he’d never expected to feel when he looked at you with someone else. It didn’t change anything, he told himself. In fact, he was hellbent on ensuring it didn’t. You’d told him to stop bringing his flings home, and he’d tried, he really had. But if he didn’t have them then he’d think of you, and he couldn’t ruin you like that.

So, he ignored your warnings and descended even further into his playboy lifestyle. The less he saw you, the more distant you became, and while it tore at him day in and day out, it was for the best. You’d both drifted from each other, but alcohol was the band-aid he slapped on that particular bullet wound.

You were the straight-laced, responsible one. You worked hard and saved face in the media when he inevitably screwed up. You looked after him even if it made your life harder.

Tony was a lot like you in the early days. He wanted to make his parents proud, but that all changed when he realised that no matter how hard he tried, it would never be enough for his father.

Somewhere along the road you’d both diverged from each other. A fork in the road that led you closer to heaven and him closer to hell.

But after that night, Tony had realised that this was more a crossroad than anything else. You were too good for him, he’d never hurt you by pursing a relationship. He didn’t do relationships. But god, did he hate the thought of you with anyone else.

He’d be okay with not having you, as long as nobody else could have you either.

“What the hell is your problem? What did you say to him?”

“I dunno what you mean…we were all ou’ here havin’ a good time, weren’t we girls?”

His entourage chirped like silicone baby birds, desperate for their mama’s attention. Your jaw clenched so hard at the smug grin Tony shot your way, that you almost chipped a tooth.

Ten minutes ago you’d been so close, so close, to finally taking that first step out of the hold he had on you and agreeing to a date. He was a nice boy, a handsome boy, one your mother would have gushed over. But like a vulture circling its next meal, Tony somehow knew just where to find you. His hold was iron. Sometimes you thought that his heart was too, because no matter how much it hurt, he’d never release you.

“Oh come on, sweetheart…” Tony tried rolling his eyes but his entire head followed. “What, you think you were gonna live happily ever after with the baby-faced real estate agent? Really?” He scoffed. “You could do better.”

“Sometimes you can’t help who you love, Tony.” You’d snapped. You’d said too much, but he wouldn’t remember it anyway.

Tony barked a laugh, and his baby birds followed.

“Love? Who’s talkin’ about love? There’s no love here, no ma’am!”

They all laughed again.

Your shoulders dropped, your lips pursed, and you felt the familiar sting at your eyes. You felt broken.

“Why do you always make this so hard?”

--------- Time was a funny thing. All of those nights he’d spent drinking and partying and hunting his next bedmate seemed to flash by in the blink of an eye. But here, in the dark, in the cold, in the wet, he could have sworn that it had been years since he’d arrived.

He’d wasted so much time.

The pain in his chest hadn’t eased up, he didn’t know if it ever would. The Doc had done an incredible job considering the circumstances, and Tony struggled to think of a single one of his own employees who would have had the brains and balls to do what Yinsen did (mainly because he didn’t deal with his employees, but the sentiment was the same). Yinsen had saved his life, and if all it cost him was a bit of pain, then that was a pretty great deal.

The only problem was, that this place was hardly a place he wanted to spend the rest of his life in - however short that may be. The trauma was there, physical and mental, but he’d wrapped it up in chains and thrown it into the deepest pits of his mind. He didn’t have time to fall apart, not when they had a plan.  

“I have this friend…”

It was dark, but Tony could still see Yinsen’s head turn in his direction. So far when they settled in for some sleep - if either of them could even manage to muster a few hours - it was Yinsen who had done most of the talking. He spoke of his wife, his children, his home…better days. If anything went wrong the following day, then it was likely that one or both of them would be killed. If ever there were a time to remember what was waiting for him at home, it was now.

“Oh?”

“Yeah…she’s, well, the only real family I have left now that I think about it.”

Yinsen was silent for a beat.

“Do you love her?”

Tony huffed a derisive laugh.

“No. No, it’s not- not like that.” He shook his head, even if Yinsen could barely see it. “She’s different, y’know? Better than this, than- than me.”

Glassy eyes, pursed lips, drooping shoulders. You looked broken. 

It was silent again.

“I’ve known her my whole life. She uh, man…”

Yinsen smiled softly. There was a genuine smile in the billionaire’s words.

“She’d know exactly what to do. She’s smart, focused. Probably searching the whole damn planet for us.”

You. Yinsen didn’t bother correcting him.

“She sounds special.”

“She is…I still hear her sometimes. That little voice inside my head, you know the one?”

Yinsen nodded, his eyes slipping shut as he pictured his family.

“I do. I call it hope.”

Tony heaved a shaky breath. “Yeah…hope.”

He smiled. If he closed his eyes he could see the pleased look his words would give rise to.

“She’d get us both out of here with a paper clip and a double A battery.”

Yinsen chuckled.

“I’m sure you’d do the same for her.”

Anything. I’d do anything…

Yinsen hummed thoughtfully, and Tony had to wonder if he’d said that aloud.

“Do you love her?”

Another silence stretched between them as Tony looked over to their workspace. If he squinted he could make out the shape of their creation. The suit of armour that would take them to safety, to freedom…home. Or, maybe it wouldn't.

“Yeah.” He inhaled sharply. “Yeah, I do.”

--------

Tony had taught you many things in life, but this was one of the most important lessons.

You remembered your first day at high school. A child genius, they called you.

A prodigy, that kid’s goin’ places, I’m tellin’ ya!

They were right and you were young, but they also seemed to think that despite the label, your age must have brought with it a certain degree of naivety. The only way they could outdo you was with experience, and they used that to their advantage.

“Watcha doin’?”

“Homework,” you’d answered, tiny hands moving a mile a minute to finish up before dinner.

Tony had frowned then, not that you could see it. You didn’t see him all that often, and when you did, he could barely go to the bathroom without you trailing after him. This was…new.

Even more unusual were the papers strewn all over the desk beside you. Louisa, Thomas, Jake, Allison…Homework, huh? Tony’d thought dryly.  

“Woah, slow down there, Speedy Gonzales,” He’d plucked the pencil out of your hand, and couldn’t suppress a smile at the wide-eyed look you’d given him.

“Tony!” You’d shouted, launching yourself at him.

He’d laughed; you hadn’t known it at the time but that was a rarity in those days. You wouldn’t understand it until you were much older, the way he changed around you, even then. The way he hid his sadness, his anger, his bitterness, from you. His childhood may have been miserable, but he’d never allow himself to be the reason yours suffered too.

He would never let anyone hurt you. Except himself, you’d both go on to realise.

“What’s all this?” he’d asked, finally prying your little arms from around his neck.

“The kids at school said that the only reason I was moved up was because my daddy paid for it. They said if I was really that smart, then I’d be able to write their essays and get A’s for all of them.”

You’d looked down at your feet. Why did it suddenly feel wrong? Why did Tony’s smile suddenly look so forced and bitter. He’d scrubbed his expression clean before he looked back at you.

“Did you doubt you could do it?”

“No, I knew I could!” You’d defended.

“Right…so why prove something you already know is true?”

His eyes had softened when he noticed your sad little pout. Decades later it still had the same effect on him. That damned look, I swear it’ll be the death of me one day.

“Hey, look…I get it. I really do,” He’d squeezed your shoulder. “It’s hard, and big kids are assh- ehem, they’re meanies,” his lips had twitched upward, “but you don’t have to prove a damn thing to them, okay? The only person I want you to worry about impressing in this world is you. Can you do that for me?”

You’d nodded.

“Promise?”

“Yes, Tony.”

He’d cocked a brow.

“What, you think I’m going to take your word for it?”

Your fist had shot up immediately, pinky finger at the ready.

“That’s right,” he’d nodded. “You break this very official agreement and that’s it, it’s all over for us.”

---------

So, when he decided to put an end to the weapons manufacturing sector of Stark Industries, you gave him your full support. It was his choice and the world would have to deal with it. Tony had been different since his return. There was a certain blankness that would settle in his eyes sometimes and he seemed more aware of the world around him. He didn’t talk about what happened to him, and you wouldn’t force him to, but the effect it had was evident.

When he’d landed on that tarmac, looking worse than you’d ever seen him, you’d told yourself that it was okay. That he was safe. He was alive. It was more than you could have ever hoped for. Then you’d proceeded to burst into tears, and clung to him the entire way to McDonald’s, like you had that day at the beach so long ago. A press conference was called and he’d left you in the car with a wink that was entirely too confident for a man who’d been through hell.

I promised you a souvenir…

The stoppered tube he’d given you almost sent you into another bout of hysterics. But you were quick to get it together when you’d heard his announcement. You spent the next few days turning off the news whenever he entered the room, but despite your efforts he knew all about the world’s criticism.

“You okay?”

You lingered in the doorway of his bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees and head hanging between them. He straightened at the sound of your voice, but the charade was already broken.

“Peachy,” he didn’t even bother forcing a smile. You made your way over to sit beside him.

“You ever just…? I mean, am I doing the right thing here? I gotta be, right?”

He looked at you with wide-eyes. They’d take in every inch of you for signs of a lie, or eagerly lap up your reassurances. You’d seen those eyes before; eyes desperate for direction, for a guidance he usually didn’t need. He was Tony Stark and he paved his own way in life…but the world was so far behind him these days, that he sometimes needed the only thing tethering him to it - and that was you. It always had been, and it always would be.

“You are.”

He’d released a sharp breath, relieved, but irritated. He’d been watching the news again.

“Then- Then why are people treating this like some kind of PTSD-induced phase that I’m supposed to snap out of?”

Did you see that? Those are your weapons…

“People are dying-”

In the hands of those murderers…

“-I know-“

Is this what you want?

“-my weapons are killing them-“

Is this what you wish the legacy of the great Tony Stark to be?

“-I know-“

“Do you?!” He snapped. “‘Cause I had no idea!”

His chest was heaving, anger simmering beneath the surface. You’d let him have this, this moment to just yell and vent and get it all out without having to worry about who would see or who he’d hurt with his words. He’d never hurt you, not really.

Slowly, the stern lines of his face evened out, his shoulders slumped, and that familiar look of regret bled into his eyes.

“I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry...I just…” he drew in a sharp breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I need to know that I’m doing the right thing, no matter the cost.”

“You know why they want you to doubt your decisions? Why they want you to ‘snap out of it’?” you asked.

“It’s not because you’re wrong, but because admitting that you’re right doesn’t work in their favour.” You grasped his hand. “People will never value life as long as they continue to profit from death, Tony.”

“It’s not their names stamped on the shell…” his jaw clenched.

“I know, hon.” You offered a sympathetic smile. “But you’ve taken the first step in a direction even Howard wasn’t brave enough to take. So, we’re going to do what we always do. We’re going to fix this, okay?”

His dark, glassy eyes met your own and you smiled softly at the first trace of a small spark in them.

“Huh…”

You forced a shaky laugh, almost squirming at the foreign look in his eyes.

“What?”

He just smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. Just…I missed you, y’know?”

“Right back atcha,” you huffed a more genuine laugh this time. “I mean it, Tony. I’ve never been more proud of you in my life.”

You pulled him into a tight hug, and by the time you’d pulled away and risen to your feet, a pained look had clouded his features.

“Tony?” You couldn’t help but worry.

“I’m fine,” he smiled. It was entirely fake.

“Do, uh…do you mind just…” He glanced down at the floor as if ashamed to ask, waved his hand to the other side of his bed, and looked back up at you through his lashes. “Stay with me?”

The question caught you off-guard, but you couldn’t blame him for asking. When was the last time he’d gotten a good night’s sleep? Probably the night of the Apogee Awards, and that seemed so very, very long ago. You gave him a reassuring smile.

“Of course.”

He’d settled into bed like a skittish animal, eyes darting to his bedroom door and to the wide expanse of tinted windows that lined his wall. The cave had been claustrophobic, but all he saw now were too many points of entry. He’d have to fix that.

Your head settled on his shoulder, and all -most- thoughts of kidnapping were tucked away for later.

“Y’know…Pep told me you barely slept while I was gone.”

“Snitch,” you mumbled, and he chuckled. “Yeah, I was a little stressed. Didn’t take care of myself as much as I probably should have.”

“I’m sorry…”

You squeezed his side, a silent reprimand.

“Don’t. You’re the last person who should be apologising. You have no idea how relieved I am, Tony.”

He was quiet for a beat. Usually he’d fire back a quip to lighten the mood, but not this time it seemed.

“I’m happy to be home.”

And he was, he just couldn’t quite voice that it wasn’t the safe and warm mansion that he’d considered home while he was in that cave. There were arms he wanted wrapped around him. There were eyes he imagined shining up at him. There was a smile he wanted to trace with his lips. There was a woman, right there at the forefront of his mind, begging him to come home…and he never could deny her.

It was jarring. He was supposed to be smart. He was supposed to be smarter than smart, and it had taken a kidnapping, a haphazard surgery in a dank cave, losing a man -a friend- worth more than any of the snobs he’d met Stateside, a fire-fight with terrorists, and a crash-landing in the middle of the desert, to open his eyes to the world around him.

Don’t waste it…don’t waste your life…

They could take his money, and his fame, and his company, and even his brain. He’d still have all he ever needed. Yinsen had lost that, it was why he urged him not to do the same.

But no, he couldn’t say that. Not to her, not yet. So he did what he always did.

“Pep also said that you slept in here most nights.”

You hummed absentmindedly.

“Kinda hoping you never outgrew that habit of sleeping in your underwear…”

Your brows furrowed, eyes snapping open to spy a grin out of the corner of your eye.

You slapped his chest lightly, mindful of the new addition.

“You’d only be so lucky, pal.”

Feeling his chest shake in silent laughter brought a smile on your face, and though you thought you heard his response, you were too far gone to care about it in the moment.

“Don’t I know it…”

[carrietrekkie]

Crossroads - Part II

Save in my arms.

Hey!

First, thank you all for your fb, likes and reblogs. I´m so happy your still following my story!

Now it gets a little romantic, a lot of comfort and fluff in this part. Chris helps Cathrin to get through some hard hours, in his very own way. (Part 2/3)

Part I - I´ll never wanted to do that.

Please leave me a little fb, if you don´t mind!

Tag: @bold-brave-courageous @allthetrek @reeselivesforeverinmyheart 

The skin regenerator hummed softly, did its work and the cut on my upper arm disappeared. "Any other wounds?" Pollard looked at me. "Um." I narrowed my eyes for a moment, then shook my head. "Blue spots sure, but no, nothing serious." "And the other thing?" The doctor lowered the tricorder. "Alright." I waved off. "Really." I knew she didn´t believe me, but she was fine with my answer, for now. "That was good work with Tyler's shoulder." She put a hand on my arm, then smiled and left. "Thanks." I looked to the left, where Tyler had just been taken care of by a nurse. I watched her until she finished her work and left.

"How are you?" "I already felt better." He grinned slightly. "But also significantly worse." "I know that." Somehow, I wrestled with a grin, then I looked at my hands. I had washed them and I knew it was impossible, but I still had the feeling of them being stuck with blood. "It's getting better, believe me." Tyler tore me out of my thoughts. "Don´t be mad at me if I'm not necessarily inclined to believe you." Before we could go on, Captain Pike entered the infirmary, relieved to smile at us, then stepped between our chairs. "I had expected worse when we caught your distress call. Nice to see that you are doing well. " "Thank you Sir." Tyler nodded, I did the same, but said nothing. "What happened? That should be a short reconnaissance flight. " "A few Klingons thwarted us, they had something known as blood fever." "Will you clear me up?" Pike crossed his arms. "It's a viral disease that destroys the nerves, which leads to inevitable death after a brief period of madness and aggression." Tyler sighed. "It only rarely breaks out, but if." "Understand." "In darker times warriors have often been willfully infected with it, the result." "I can imagine it vividly." I swallowed, I had listened to this all in silence. I knew that Tyler was doing this only so broadly because he wanted to cheer me up, but it didn´t help. I felt like I started to panic, my brain bombarded me in an endless loop with the seconds in which I had to do something that I had not imagined in my darkest dreams. I heard Tyler shouting, myself screaming and the horrible growl of my opponent before collapsing in front of me with an equally horrible rattle. "Cathrin."

I winced when Captain Pike spoke to me. Quickly I blinked and wiped my face, I didn´t realize how I started to cry. Both men looked at me and I couldn´t bear any of these looks, so I jumped up and ran. Just out here, somewhere else, where I could crawl into a dark hole and wait until the darkness had completely swallowed me up. ++++ Pike turned to Tyler, but he anticipated the question he wanted to ask. "She had to shoot the Klingon who attacked me." He hung his head. "I was unconscious, otherwise I wouldn´t have allowed it." "Shit." He looked at the door, then Ash again. "Can I leave you alone?" "Yes, of course, I´m okay." Then Pike also ran and hoped that he would reach her as soon as possible.

****

 I ran into Linus with full force, he catches me and starred at me with his big black eyes. "I'm sorry." I felt the air go away as the crew members standing by us looked at us. "Really, was not an intention." I turned away from him and refrained from running again, but my fear, panic and disgust for myself continued to drive me through the corridors. "Hey Cathrin." I spun around as Tilly approached me. As soon as her eyes fell on my face, the smile died on hers. "What's happening?" "Not Silvia." I raised my hands, I didn´t want her to speak to me. "Leave me." Then I ran again and left her standing there, stunned. Only a few seconds later, the captain ran into her arms. "Tilly did you see Cathrin?" He was already looking around. "She took this way, sir!" She pointed in the direction I had disappeared. "What's going on?" "I don´t know yet." Then, more to himself then to Tilly. “But I fear nothing good.” I kept walking, the crew's looks and shouts behind me, and it happened, what had to happen. At some point I lost my bearings and ended up in a dead end by one of the viewing windows. I clapped my hands over my mouth as I felt how a scream crept up my throat. I didn´t want anyone to hear me, just didn´t really help. I could hear the echo from my voice and couldn´t believe that this sound belongs to me.  

Footsteps caught my ear and as I looked up I could see Pike approaching me. I didn´t want him to see me like that but I was unable to move. Meanwhile, my breath was only flat and hectic, the running around just had not helped and sooner or later I would run out of air. Even now, stars flashed in front of my eyes. "Cathrin!" He didn´t run any more, but came quickly to me, then grabbed me by my shoulders.

"Breathe in!" He looked hard in my eyes, but it didn´t help, I gasped more and more, my nerves were completely overwrought, I couldn´t think straight and now my stomach began to rebel. I choked, but managed not to vomit in front of him, but the illusion that he had missed that, I didn´t gave in.

"Come on." He grabbed my arm and after I still didn´t knew where I was, I had no idea how long it took him to lead me through a door and close it behind us. Again I choked and this time, I wouldn´t be able to hold it. "In there." He pushed me gently but firmly towards a bathroom and I collapsed just in time in front of a toilet. How long I crouched there, I don´t remember. All I could do was feel how with each further vomiting, everything in me cramped more and the dark hole in me grew bigger and bigger and stifled every clear thought in the bud. At some point I was so exhausted that I could barely stand on my knees. That's when I felt the first time, how he gently stroking my back. A towel pushed into my field of view. My fingers were shaking so hard that I could hardly reach it, but I didn´t want to give myself the nakedness that he would help me with this. Everything starts to hurt already, and I needed my last bit of strength, to stop myself from breaking down. I wiped my mouth, then closed my eyes.

When I opened them again, my gaze fell on the blood that still sticks on my uniform. So I tried my best to get rid of the jacket, but I couldn´t even reach for the zipper. Immediately that caused a new wave of panic shoot through my body and I started hyperventilating again. All at once I felt like I was suffocating. Again, my body rebelled as if trying to push my thoughts repel. But it wouldn´t succeed this time either.

 I felt Pike grabbing at me, ripping open the collar of the uniform together with its zipper and pulling the jacket off my arms just as fast and hard. He threw it out of the bathroom, then pushed me against the wall and dropped to his knees in front of me. His blue eyes bored into mine green. "You must try to calm down."

He also began to take off his jacket, sat down in front of me, pulled me astride his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He held me so tight that I could barely breathe, but strangely enough, it calmed me down, albeit infinitely slowly. Had my brain worked, I would have guessed that he was doing exactly what to do in such a situation. Body contact and pressure, no matter how awkward that would look.

"Breathe slowly." I heard his voice right next to my ear. "Try adjusting to my rhythm." I nodded hectically. I closed my eyes and held my breath for a moment, then adjusted my breath to his. My chest felt tight, every time I breathed it burned my lungs, but part of me imagined that it helped. "Relax." "I cannot." Tears came to my eyes again, they burned like fire on my skin, but I couldn´t stop crying. "You must." He tightened his arms around my torso. "Otherwise I'll have to take you to the sick bay." That had the opposite effect he hoped for, I felt as I tensed again. "I didn´t say I would do it."

"I shot him." Only now did I manage to put my arms around his shoulders to hold on tight. "You saved Tyler's life." He released his grip a little, carefully began to stroke my back. He had to feel that my muscles were still cramped up. I did, it felt like I was turning to stone. "That doesn´t undo it, but it will help you." "But." "No buts. Both of you would be dead or worse if you had not. " I began to shiver, my body eliminated the adrenaline that it couldn´t use anymore, and apparently had no desire to help my brain continue to crack. Carefully, he slid his hand behind my back, and I flinched when I felt his touch on my skin, it hit me completely unexpectedly, but just as quickly he pulled it back.

"You're freezing cold." He released his grip enough for him to look at me. I couldn´t see it, but I could not look particularly good. "Your lips are already turning blue." "If you say that." It struggled every fiber of my body as he loosened his grip, somehow managed to push me with a fluid motion off its lap, while rising from the ground. "Computer increase room temperature by three degrees.” Pike went through the room and turned on the water of the tub, set a temperature and left the room briefly. Trembling, I slid against the wall, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. That was not a good idea, immediately the events of the last hour flashed in my mind. I gasped sharply as I felt a hand on my shoulder and someone shook me softly.

"Don´t fall back again." "Captain?" I blinked at him, apparently my brain had trouble understanding what was real and what was memory. My eyes darted past him. "You have a bathtub?" "It also has to have one or the other advantage when you're the captain,." He smiled slightly at me, then he reached under my arms and pulled me from the floor. I did my best to help at least a little, but that couldn´t be much, and I felt him holding me. "Sit down."

 "Okay." He placed me on the edge of the tub and I already felt the warmth of the water under me. "You'll undress now and lay in there." I somehow managed to throw a look at him, which in the beginning expressed what shot through the small part of my brain that was not spinning. "I'm waiting outside, no worries, I'm not looking." He grinned at me broadly, even making me smile a little.

"I picked some things out for you." He pointed to the small armchair in the corner. "Not very fancy, but it will do. On the sink is still a fresh toothbrush and I'm sorry, I have only my shower gel here.” "Never mind." I blinked tiredly. "I like how you smell." Why the hell did I say that? "Excuse me." His answer was a smile, then he crouched down in front of me. "I'm outside when you need me." Then he grabbed my hands, squeezed them briefly, got up, and went outside. As soon as he had left the room, the previously transparent glass surfaces became milky and opaque and I was alone.  I took a deep breath, then struggled up from the tub and headed for the sink. The sight in the mirror was pure horror. My eyes were fire-red, deep circles underneath, and the runny and smeared mascara didn´t make it any better. I was pale and when I raised my hand, it was still shaking. I turned on the tap, threw a load of water in my face and then began to brush my teeth. That was really necessary, as soon as I spit out, at least the strange feeling disappeared on my tongue. I slowly undressed and tried to pile up my cloth in a way, that didn´t look quite desperate.

It was a weird feeling to stand naked in his bathroom, so I hurried to get into the tub. The hot water tingling on my skin, but almost instantaneously my cramped muscles relaxed and with a comforting sigh I sank into the light foam. It really smelt like him and I felt how that relaxed me too, more than I wanted to admit at that moment. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and dived. The feeling of the water around me finally drove the cold out of my body, pulling away dirt and grime, and I fancied that some of it fell away when I reappeared. For a few minutes I just allowed myself to lie there and either close my eyes or look at the picture on the wall opposite. It simulated the warp plow, maybe it was also a projection of our current speed. "Is everything alright with you?" I turned my head to the side. I could see he was sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom, his back against the glass wall by the door. "Yes, thank you, all right." I smiled slightly. "Does that calm you?" "What exactly?" He turned his head slightly. "The picture on the wall." I looked at the stars. "Sometimes." He sounded tired too. I had no idea what time it was. It could be in the middle of the night. "It helps to think. This is something that doesn´t change, no matter how bad all is, the stars don´t care. " "Nice thought." I ran my hand through the last bit of foam on the water. "Don´t try to fall asleep. Otherwise I have to fish you out of the tub. " I pinched my lips, I don´t know how he found that thought, but I found it somehow exciting.

"Have I been in here for a long time?" "Maybe an hour or so." I couldn´t see him grinning, but I was sure he did. "What?" I sat up jerkily, a wave of water sloshing over the edge. "Oh crap!" "This is a spaceship, not a sailing ship." "Very funny." I looked around for a towel. "Um, where are?" "On your left." "Thanks!"

I found them where he said so I pulled my legs up, got up, and carefully climbed out of the tub. I wrapped myself in the warm towel and began to dry myself with another one. I stood briefly under the sound shower and let the ultrasonic waves blow the remaining drops of water from my body and my hair. I slipped into my underwear, then grabbed the things he had put out for me. It was a pajama pants that was, of course, too long and too wide and a t-shirt. I grinned when I saw that it was one with an Enterprise logo. I tied a knot in the side of the shirt, then pulled the strap on so tight that I wouldn´t lose it and left the bathroom.

 Pike was still sitting on the floor in front of it, a book in his hand, which he lowered as I opened the door. He looked up and smiled at me, I gave it back. "That looks much better." "Well, how to take it." I watched him get up off the floor, then tugged at the shirt. "Homesick?" "Sometimes." He raised his eyebrows. "I didn´t have anything else left." He also wore a pair of pajama pants, a T-shirt, his hair was a bit messy and he looked tired. "You?" "Sometimes." I smiled as well, then wrapped my arms around my upper body. I was tired too and started to feel cold again. "I should go to sleep." I pointed toward the bathroom. "Would you mind if I pick it up tomorrow?"

"You shouldn´t be alone tonight." He looked at me, and under other circumstances, that look would have softened my knees, but I was more likely to run away. "Don´t worry, I will not bite." He stroked my arm. "But it would be better, you stay. If you were in sick bay, Dr. Pollard will not let you go either." I nodded, though I didn´t really know what to think of it.

"Do you want to eat something?" "No, I'm not hungry." I stifled a yawn. "I just want to sleep." "That's the easy part." Pike ranged me his hand. I hesitated for a moment, then grabbed it and let him lead me to his bed. That was a strange feeling, I couldn´t describe it exactly. "Left or right?" He pulled another blanket out of the closet. "Anyway." I looked around uncertainly. "As you like more." He laughed slightly, then folded the blanket over the bed and sat on it. "What time is it at all?" I looked at him as he yawned a little and I had to smile. He had no idea how incredibly cute he looked at that moment and, terribly the reason for it, I couldn´t imagine anything better than to snuggle up to him and hope that I would sleep all night.

"Something between 23.00 and 24.00." "I'll keep you from sleeping." I remembered that I was no longer a teenager, but an adult woman, well, at least halfway, so I walked over to the other side of the bed and slipped under the blanket he'd brought me. "Just a little bit." He dropped back, rolled over and then faced me. I slid closer to him, feeling trembling again and he was warm.

"Thanks Chris." I put my hand briefly on his arm and he winced. "Sorry, I never have cold hands." I rubbed my fingers together. "Cold is an understatement." He grinned at me. “Come here."

I hesitated for a moment, but then the shivering triumphed over my timidity, and I slid closer to him, letting him put his arm around me, pulling me towards, so I could only lay my head on his chest. He threw the blanket over us and put his other arm around me. I closed my eyes and snuggled up against him. He was warm, smelled incredibly good, and he radiated a calm that caught me immediately and soothed more than any pill could have done. I still shivered, but I noticed how it got less.

"Better?" "Yes, much better." That he smiled broadly as I said that, I couldn´t see. I pushed a little closer to him, no way I would go out of here and if that damn spaceship exploded. "Tell me something about you." He started stroking my arm. "What do you want to know?" "Mmh." The sound made his chest vibrate. "Where have you always wanted to go?" I didn´t have to think about it for long. "I always wanted to visit Hawaii. All islands, preferably forever. The sea, the sun, the beach. "I sighed a little. "I always imagined what it would be like to live on an island." I had to laugh a little. "For me that was unbelievably far away, tens of thousands of miles and far too expensive." I put my hand over his heart and could feel it beating under my fingers.

"What about you? Where does it attract someone when you can fly to the stars? "He laughed a little, then slipped his fingers between mine, he sighed slightly. "Home. To the city where I was born. Mojave, in Arizona. "His chest was rising and falling evenly, along with the rhythm of his heart, the warmth of his body and the sound of his voice that enveloped me and carried me away. "When the nights are clear, you can see the Milky Way." "The picture in your ready room." I was almost asleep, yet the photo with the falling stars came to my mind. "Did you take that by yourself?"

 "Yes." He also sounded tired. "It's been a couple of years since I was there, it was in the middle of the night when I took this picture, the next day the Enterprise mission started." "You have not been home for five years?" "I hope I can do it when this mission comes to an end." "Mmh, sounds good." It was rude, but I kept on lulling myself to sleep.

Everything on me wanted to sleep, even if a part of me would have preferred nothing more than to listen on to him, but it was just hopelessly inferior. I closed my fingers around his and fell asleep.

 *****

"Cathrin?"

Chris looked away as he felt her breathing steadier and more and more relaxed. He raised his hand, brushed her hair back a little and saw that she had fallen asleep. Despite the tension of the last few hours, she now seemed to feel better.

She looked peaceful, a light smile on her lips, her hand still clutching his, one leg slightly on his and he could feel that she was slowly getting warmer. It was this moment, along with so many others recently, that he had to admit that he felt more for her and the thought that she might disappear as suddenly as she did into his life, took his breath away for a moment, but it vanished as she jerked in his arms, wiping that feeling aside. She made a sound that sounded like a little purr, then took a deep breath and he couldn´t help but smile. Chris got the idea that this was exactly what he had been missing in the last few years. That someone was there when he fell asleep and still was at his side when he woke up. Who stood behind him and still went their own way. Be there no matter how hard life and duty would be. Leaning slightly to Cathrin, he breathed a kiss on her head, then allowed himself to fall into the feeling that he was flowing through him.

That's it, he was sure. It was in every single one of her looks, in the little touches, in the gestures they shared. This feeling and everything that could become of it, he wanted. Forever. After a few minutes he fell asleep and slept better than he had in years.

Masterlist

[midnightiscoming-kasabian]

Kasabian’s Serge Pizzorno on taking a break from the band for his solo album

After a string of hit albums and arena tours, Kasabian guitarist and songwriter Serge Pizzorno used a band break to record a solo album. It was a liberating and energising experience, he tells Craig Mclean

The Scotsman | 17 Aug 2019

The way Serge Pizzorno tells it, the road to his first solo album began 10 years ago, around the time of the release of Kasabian’s third album. West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum, produced by Dan the Automator and featuring band pal Noel Fielding in the video for lead single Vlad the Impaler, was the Leicester band’s stretch for glory, a post-millennial, East Midlands take on The Rolling Stones’ Their Satanic Majesties Request.

Trying something so ambitious might have been scoffed at, but potential hubris was swamped by victory: the 2009 album went to No 1, was shortlisted for the Mercury Prize and was named Best Album at the Q Awards. At the following year’s Brit Awards, Kasabian won Best Group.

But if Kasabian were large, their guitarist and chief songwriter was “larging it”. Since the release of their self-titled 2004 debut, Pizzorno had, not unusually, been an enthusiastic partier. But the achievement of West Ryder… made him reassess.

Or, as he puts it with a typically lyrical flourish, “I looked at the hundreds and thousands sprinkled on top and I thought: wipe them off, that’s nonsense. I just want to make a good ice-cream. So that album was the moment, a definite crossroads, where I thought: do I want the mad excess, the boozing and the partying? Or do I want to make records that will be around hopefully longer than I am?”

With that came a further realisation: “I just like being in the studio or on stage, and that’s it. The rest of it can come and go.”

The result – three No 1 albums and a Glastonbury Pyramid Stage headline slot later – is The S.L.P. As solo albums go, it’s both boldly executed and

neatly titled. In old-money speak, it’s the Serge LP. It’s also the definite article work of Sergio Lorenzo Pizzorno.

Recorded in his home studio in Leicestershire, The Sergery – see what he did there? – The S.L.P. is the sound of the musical brains trust of Kasabian going off on one, touching on psych-rock, Italo house, 60s Italian movie soundtracks, hip hop and, with the help of guests slowthai and Lil Simz, the best that young British rap can offer.

It’s framed by three thematically and melodically linked interludes: Meanwhile… In Genova; Meanwhile… At The Welcome Break ;and Meanwhile… In The Silent Nowhere. Songs set in, respectively, his grandfather’s home town, a motorway service station and (perhaps) the darkest recesses of his psyche began as musical passages for the uncompleted soundtrack to a film that was never made.

“But I was inspired,” the 38-year-old begins when we meet for a breakfast espresso in Islington, north London. Beanpole thin and lanky, even at this early hour Pizzorno is ready for his solo close-up. He’s dressed in fashionforward leisure wear; his hair is neatly feathered on top and sides, and cropped and dyed into leopard shading at the back.

“Those [musical] pieces could wither and sit on a hard drive,” he continues, “or I could do something with this comic-book Batman concept: ‘Meanwhile... in the Batcave’,” he says, referencing the 60s television biff-pang-pow version of The Dark Knight.

Armed with a beginning, a middle and an end, this prodigious multiinstrumentalist knew all he had to do was “fill in the gaps in between. And that wouldn’t take me that long, I’d really enjoy it, and it’d give me new perspective on the band.”

As of last summer, Kasabian were meant to be on a year’s break, after two years making and touring their sixth album, For Crying Out Loud. But time off doesn’t come easy to Pizzorno, even though he has a wife and two young children (six and eight) at home. So after a short summer’s break, he was straight back to work.

He knew it would be “scary in a way doing something without the protection of the gang”. But he went for it anyway, keen to find out “what it’s gonna be like, exploring new lands. And it was done really quickly, really instinctively.”

Following those instincts led him all over the shop. Nobody Else wouldn’t be out of place on a Mediterranean dancefloor. The Wu starts off like Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk, before going all pumped-up, Hall and Oatesstyle 70s soul. And across the whole, Pizzorno’s vocals – chopped up, multitracked, echoing, or just delivered remarkably sweetly – as well as his firm grasp of melody keep the whole thing together.

Not having the pressure of imagining what would work for 20,000 people in an arena or 50,000 people in a field – anthems, basically – was, he says, like “a switch going – you feel the motor slowing down.” When writing for Kasabian and teeing up their tours, “you have to consider there’s gonna be all those people in front of you, so you have to deliver the goods. And in that headspace, if I pick up the guitar, it’s violence and it’s raw, [albeit about getting to] euphoria and togetherness.

“With The S.L.P. I want to get to the same point, hit the same peak. But it’s delicate and rhythmic and a whole different approach,” he grins, the antic excitement bristling off him.

Ask how this will have an impact on the next Kasabian album, which he’s already started writing, and the reply comes swiftly and firmly: “It’s annihilation music.”

I don’t know what that means, and he’s not saying. But with this new outlet for his “mad” ideas, he says, “now I feel like I can make as near as dammit the perfect Kasabian record”.

And what does his brother-in-arms, Kasabian singer Tom Meighan, make of The S.L.P.?

“He’s been so amazing. It’s testament to the love we have for each other that he’s just been pure positive, and really happy for me to do it. And that’s huge, because that conversation was ringing around my head, telling people that I wanted to do this…

“But we were at a level, six albums in, that, without changing it somehow, all the amazing things you’ve done get overlooked.

“Five No 1 albums on the spin is massive – only a few bands have done that. Headlining Glastonbury, selling out three O2s… It’s massive, but everyone’s used to you doing them. It becomes an assumption.”

The S.L.P., then, is a necessary reset. Or, as Pizzorno puts it with a final outthere flourish, “it’s a planet now. It’s just doing its thing.”

The S.L.P. is released 30 August. Serge Pizzorno plays SWG3, Glasgow on 5 September

[krycss]

Crossroads | oc:Alice Harkins/Arthur Morgan/Charles Smith

Ch4: Horseshoe Overlook (Part 2)

[Read on AO3]

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

So this is the first time I'm trying out different POVs in a fic. I think it turned out okay, the way it works for me is if there's a solid spacing between paragraphs (******) then the name in the first sentence of the next paragraph is who's POV we're shifting to. Let me know if it works out for ya'll!

Arthur was currently enjoying a rather calm afternoon. It had been a few days since Sean had returned and the camp was certainly livelier with his presence. Arthur couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. Kieran had been allowed freedom from his shackles after saving Arthur’s life from an O’Driscoll the other day. They still kept an eye on him though as he watched over the horses.

Dutch called his attention and Arthur headed over to greet him.

“Dutch,” He nodded his head. “Miss O’Shea.”

“Well,” Dutch stood. “It feels like we are finally getting back on our feet.”

“You find a buyer for them bonds we stole?”

“Not yet, but Hosea’s working on it.”

The two stood side-by-side, overlooking the camp.

“When we heading west?” Arthur looked over at Dutch, hopeful.

“Soon,” Dutch shook his head, going to sit in his chair. “I don’t know.”

Arthur sighed, leaning against the pole of Dutch’s tent. “Feels like things have changed. The whole world has changed. That they don’t want folk like us no more.” Arthur’s jaw clenched. “We’re being hunted.”

“We’re smarter than them.” Dutch looked up at Arthur. “Only the feeblest of men take jobs in the government.”

Arthur laughed, shaking his head. “I hope so!”

“Trust Dutch, Mr. Morgan.” Molly’s spoke up from behind them. “You ‘ave to.”

Suddenly there was shout from across the camp from Lenny.

“They got Micah!” Lenny was still jumping off of his saddle as he called out. “Dutch! Arthur!”

The two walked towards him as he ran in their direction.

“What’s going on?” Dutch asked.

“They got Micah.” Lenny repeated. “He-he’s been arrested for murder. He was in Strawberry and…”

Dutch interjected. “It’s okay, son. Breathe!”

Lenny nodded, taking in gulps of air as he braced himself on his knees. “They nearly lynched me. They-” He took one last deep breath before standing up once more, speaking calmly. “They got Micah in the sheriff’s in Strawberry, and there’s talk of hanging him.”

Arthur smiled to himself. “Here’s hoping.”

“Arthur!” Dutch quickly looked over, reprimanding him.

“What? That fool brought this on himself. You know my feelings about him, Dutch.”

“You think I can’t see past his bluster to the heart inside?”

Arthur shook his head.

“He’s a fine man.” Dutch continued.

“No,” Arthur stared down Dutch. “I ain’t saving that fool.”

“I can’t go. My face will be all over West Elizabeth! I am asking.” Dutch paused. “He would do it for you.”

Arthur waved his hand at Dutch. “I don’t think he would, but fine, alright.”

“Arthur…” Dutch continued to stare at him as Arthur ignored him.

“You okay, Lenny?” Arthur turned his attention to the boy who was currently catching his breath at the table nearby.

“Yeah, course I’m okay.” Lenny’s face spoke otherwise.

“You don’t seem okay.”

“You take that kid into town.” Dutch called out as he walked back to his tent. “Valentine, not Strawberry. Get him drunk. And Arthur? No crazy business.”

Arthur scoffed. “I’ve given that up.”

“And you get Micah out of that jail.” Dutch reminded Arthur, causing him to sigh.

“Come on, son.” Arthur waved towards Lenny.

Arthur and Lenny were headed towards their horses when they heard a voice call out from behind them.

“Couldn’t help but hear you’re heading into town?” Alice ran up to Arthur.

Arthur nodded, smiling down at her. “Gonna give Lenny here a good time at the saloon!” He clapped the kid on the back, earning a huff of annoyance.

“Can I come?” Alice pleaded. “If I have to drink any more of that shit from Sean’s party I’m gonna go insane!”

“The more the merrier!” Lenny called from his horse.

Arthur shook his head. “Alright, come on.” Arthur helped her up onto the back of his horse before joining her. “But remember, we’re getting Lenny drunk. We’re the responsible adults here.”

  Arthur wasn’t sure where things had gone wrong. What was supposed to be just one or two drinks ended up being…he wasn’t even sure anymore. There were bottles of beer, whiskey shots, and mugs of beer all floating through his memories. Lenny had disappeared somewhere. Alice too. Arthur called out for both of them, stumbling his way up to the second floor of the saloon. He heard Alice’s laugh from the other side and spotted the pair. Lenny was currently balancing a shot glass on his forehead much to Alice’s delight. Arthur called out to them, causing Lenny to lose his balance and shatter the glass on the floor below. All three waved down at the bartender who glared up at them.

Alice had somehow found the three of them more beers and they went to town, laughing away. Arthur knew he should stop but that part of his brain wasn’t working it seemed.

Lenny suddenly got quiet. “Why ain’t you never married?” His gaze was towards Arthur but his eyes weren’t exactly focused on him.

Arthur sobered up for just a second.

“No one would have me.” Arthur lamented.

Alice was slapping his arm then, drawing his attention to her.

“I-” She hiccupped. “I’d have ya, Arthur!” She leaned into his side. “Dunno how you ain’t known that!”

Arthur knew she had to have drank far too much. If she had been keeping up with him, then her small size alone had caused her to get drunker faster and to say such silly things. The drink must have gone straight to her brain. He felt a smile form on his face and was drawn from his thoughts by Lenny cracking another joke.

  Arthur found himself outside, pissing against the saloon wall. He didn’t remember going outside, and yet here he was. He vaguely recalled starting a chorus line in the saloon. He headed back inside, stumbling along. He was once again in search of his drinking partners. A voice in his head telling him he should probably stop for the night. He spotted Alice hanging around the piano player, clapping along to the song. Lenny showed up at some point and he and Lenny started a slap-fight, he wasn’t quite sure why. The three eventually found themselves out in the street, laughing away. Lenny was making a mess of himself, causing Alice and Arthur to walk away laughing and trying not to fall over. The shouts from the local Sheriff were suddenly heard and Arthur grabbed Alice’s hand, dragging her off into an alley. The two were a mess, stumbling over barrels, crates, and each other. They rounded the back of the saloon but were caught when Arthur tripped over a fence, causing the two of them to fall to the ground.

  Waking up in the jail cell was not the best experience. The three managed to pay their way out for a fee of $15, and were currently trying to make their way to their horses. Lenny had thrown up again, causing Alice to as well. Arthur held her hair back for her, it had somehow come down from its bun at some point during their adventure.

“Arthur.” Alice groaned. “I think I’m dyin’.” She fell back on her ass.

Arthur sat down next to her, Lenny had wandered off somewhere and Arthur didn’t have the energy to go looking for him.

“You’re fine.” Arthur rubbed his eyes. “We gotta get back to camp. Oh,” He grunted as he stood. “We need some food and sleep.”

The two somehow managed to make it back to camp. They ignored the comments from people in camp. Hosea had come over to berate them but gave them each a cup of coffee to help. It was still early in the morning but the two of them went straight to their tents after eating whatever leftovers Pearson had available.

  Arthur woke the next morning with a pounding headache. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. This definitely wasn’t the first time he’d drank this much, granted he tried not to do it as much anymore as he got older, so he at least wasn’t feeling the effects as badly as he could. He sat up in his cot, stretching out his body which cracked in protest. The camp was quiet as only a few people woke at the same time he did. Lenny was currently face-first into his bedroll, a bucket nearby. He saw Charles drinking a cup of coffee on the other side of camp and Hosea joined him soon enough. Arthur went to grab his own before he got started on the camp chores for the day.

By the time he was done it was still rather early. He knew the Reverend was still out and about somewhere nearby and Arthur had agreed to see what he was getting up to. Anything to delay his having to rescue Micah. On his way back to his tent he saw that the front of Alice’s tent had been opened and she was currently sitting on the end of her bedroll with her head in her hands. He vaguely recalled her comment from last night in the saloon and his face flushed.

‘I’d have ya Arthur.’ He remembered. Surely she didn’t mean it.

He walked over to her.

“How ya feelin’?” Arthur chuckled as he looked down at her.

“I hate everything.” Alice moaned. “God, please tell me I didn’t embarrass myself. Remind me never to drink with you and Lenny again! Or just, never to drink again in general.”

Arthur laughed, shaking his head. “Will do, Shortcake. You, uh, you remember anything that happened?”

Alice looked up at him, afraid. “What did I do…?”

So she didn’t remember. Arthur wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He had hoped to ask her about it.

“Nothin’ too serious, just seeing what you remember is all.”

Alice nodded slowly, mumbling about needing five more minutes.

As he walked away he saw her fall back onto the bed roll with an exaggerated sigh, causing him to smile.

   A few hours later Arthur returned with Reverend Swanson in tow and an attitude. Having to save the man from nearly getting killed by a train which, incidentally, meant he too almost got killed by said train, was not a great way to begin the afternoon. Adding to the fact that once he dropped the man off back in his tent, Miss Grimshaw had told him a letter had arrived for him.

From Mary.

So here Arthur sat in his tent, reading the letter for the second time since opening it. His heart was currently in a confused state – torn between the hope of seeing her once more and the reminder that she had broken his it. Arthur sighed.

“Must be a hell of a letter for you to make that sound.” He didn’t know how long Alice had been leaning against the pole of his tent.

Arthur closed his eyes, nodding slowly. “Yeah.” He glanced up at her but found he couldn’t quite hold her gaze. “It’s from Mary.”

Alice was silent. If he hadn’t still been able to see her out of the corner of his eye he may have thought she had left. When he looked up at her he saw her picking at her nails, her eyebrows drawn together.

“What’s she want?” Her voice was quiet.

“Not sure exactly. Wants me to meet her near Valentine.”

“You gonna go?”

A beat of silence.

“Most likely.”

Alice scoffed. It was quiet but Arthur heard it nonetheless.

“What?” He folded the letter and stood.

“Nothin’.” Alice avoided looking at him and crossed her arms.

“Alice.” His voice sterner than he’d have liked.

She looked up at him this time and his steps faulted for just a second. She didn’t seem angry, but she was definitely upset. Jealous? He thought back to her comment once more, perhaps she really did care for him. That’s crazy though.

“After what she did to you, you’re gonna go see her again?” Her eyes pleaded with him. “Arthur, I was there when she left you, I saw how much that hurt you – how much it still hurts you! And you’re gonna put yourself through that again?!”

“She needs help, Alice.” Arthur grabbed his hat from his table. “Now, whether or not I am in relation with Mary doesn’t change the fact that if she needs help, I’m going to help her. I can’t just turn a blind eye to someone in need.”

“You’ve done it before.” Alice mumbled.

Arthur took a deep breath. He didn’t want to argue with Alice. He also knew she meant well. If he met with Mary he’d just be torturing himself once more. He knows that. But Mary always knew just how to play his heart. He knows that as well. He inwardly cursed his principles. He couldn’t just turn a blind eye to a woman in need – he’d help even if it wasn’t Mary. He had appreciated Alice’s care back when Mary had first left him. She had kept him from going under, truly. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he’d still be alive if it wasn’t for her. He hadn’t told her about how, despite her help, he had still turned to a more carnal form of relief from the heartbreak which led to the situation with Eliza. He still hadn’t told her about that to this day. He was thankful that she cared enough to voice her concerns, but he didn’t understand why she couldn’t see it from his point of view.

He stepped towards her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She stared up at him, her sky blue eyes glossy. He didn’t know what to say to her so he just gave her a sad smile before putting on his hat and stepping past her.

“You know it ain’t gonna lead to her takin’ you back. No matter how many times you come to her aid.” He heard her whisper behind him.

Arthur stopped for a moment, shaking his head before continuing to his horse.

‘I know.’

  ******

  Alice was currently seated by the scout fire. She was set to go on watch in a few hours and was enjoying her time alone. She was still trying to calm herself down from her interaction with Arthur earlier. It had been a few hours since he had left and he had yet to return. She tried not to think about what might be going on.

She just didn’t get it. What was so great about Mary that after all these years he still came to her beck and call when she gives him the slightest attention. It’s been years since they heard anything from her and now suddenly she’s in Valentine?! Alice threw a stick into the fire a little too hard.

“He’s a fool is what he is.” She mumbled to herself.

‘And so am I.’ Alice sighed, thinking.

She knew she was jealous. And she hated that her jealously caused her to lash out at him. It was the last thing she wanted but, she just couldn’t stop herself. Perhaps a part of her had hoped she could talk some sense into the man but, now that she thought about it that seemed a fruitless endeavor. Hell, she thought, the man still kept a photo of Mary in his tent!

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Charles heading towards her. She cursed herself for getting so riled out about Arthur. She had Charles now, right? She didn’t care what Arthur did anymore. He could be with whoever he wanted.

Her heart clenched.

Alice sighed. There was no point in lying to herself. She knew she’d never get over her feelings for Arthur. She didn’t know what it meant for her and Charles either, but she supposed she didn’t have to worry about it now. Clearly Arthur would never return her feelings.

Charles sat down on the ground next to her, the dirt kicking up around them for a moment. He didn’t say anything but she had a feeling he was going to ask her what had her in such a mood.

“You okay?” He placed a hand on her knee.

Alice shrugged.

“Overheard some people say some stuff about Arthur and some woman? Mary?”

Alice nodded.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “She’s…she was his fiancée. A long time ago. Long before you joined up. She broke his heart when she called it off. And yet there he goes off to answer her cry for help!” Alice let out a sharp laugh, throwing another small branch.

Charles hummed, his thumb rubbing small circles into her knee.

“I remember asking you if you and Arthur were together, back in Colter. You said no, but…you do care for him, don’t you.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, but she could tell it was.

“Yes.” She looked down at Charles, her eyes wide. “I-I mean, I care about you too, Charles! I wasn’t lying about that!”

Charles simply chuckled, confusing Alice.

“It’s okay, Alice.” He brought her hand to his lips. “I know you do. And I also know you care for him as well. I think everyone does except him, honestly.” He shook his head with a smile. “You can’t control who you have feelings for.”

Alice smiled down at him. Honestly, he was too good sometimes.

“I just…” She leaned her head onto his shoulder. She didn’t know how to broach the subject without it seeming like she wanted Arthur instead of Charles. She hoped he understood what she was getting at. “I knew that I cared for him, right? But I suppose there was a part of me that knew that even if he ever returned my feelings, which I highly doubt now, I know that he’ll always still love Mary. Whether or not she’s physically in his life, she’ll always be there. I saw how much pain he was in when Mary ended things with him, I was there. So I just don’t understand why he’d do that to himself again.”

Alice tilted her head to kiss Charles’ shoulder before continuing.

“So, now that Mary seems to have come back into our lives, I guess I’m worried that I’ll end up losing him before I even had the chance to see if there was something TO lose.” She glanced up and their eyes locked. “I care about you both, you know.” She whispered and Alice’s stomach tightened at the confession she was about to make. “I care about you both so much and it’s all coming together and seemingly falling apart at the same time from two different sides of my heart and I don’t…I don’t quite know what to do.”

Charles hummed. “I don’t have the answers for you, but just know that I’ll be here whenever you need anything. Alright? I care about you and your feelings and I always want you to be able to open up to me about it.”

She felt him shift subtly, it felt like he was shaking his head at something. She had thought she heard footsteps and was thankful that Charles was kind enough to tell whoever it was to go away and give her some space.

Alice chuckled a bit. “I think that’s the most you’ve spoken in one sentence, Mr. Smith.” She felt his laugh as her head bobbed on his shoulder.

It was silent for a moment. The only sound was the crackling of the logs in the fire before them. She felt him press a kiss to the top of her head and whisper comforting words to her as she prepared for her watch shift to start.

  ******

  Arthur had just gotten back from clearing his mind from his afternoon. Seeing Mary again was…rough, to say the least. He shouldn’t have been surprised that she called him there not to help her personally, but to save her brother, Jamie. He knew she wrote him because he’d always answer her call. He knew. And yet he still found himself tending a pain in his chest after their goodbye at the train station.

‘You’ll never change.’ Her voice reverberated in his head.

He shook his head. She hadn’t seen him in how many years, and thinks he hasn’t changed from one meeting? He sighed. Not that she’d give him the time to prove it.

Arthur ran his hand through his hair as he walked away from his horse. He spotted Alice and Charles over by the scout camp and he wasn’t sure why but he was drawn to them. Perhaps to tell Alice she was right after all. As he got closer he could hear snippets of what Alice was talking about. Or rather, WHO she was talking about.

Him.

She was talking about him. He listened in from where he stood, trying not to make a sound. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but he couldn’t stop now. Her voice was low but he picked up what he could and his heart skipped a beat.

“-Mary seems to have come back into our lives…end up losing him…chance to see if there was something TO lose.” She continued on about caring for both of them and her struggles in dealing with it.

He wished he was the one comforting her but he also knew that she was better off in Charles’ care. She probably didn’t even want to see him. His foot shifted and he caught Charles’ attention. The man shook his head, enough for Arthur to get the hint but not to let Alice know. Arthur nodded once and walked towards his tent.

He had some things to think about it seemed.

  Arthur woke at the crack of dawn once more. Today he was going to go and rescue Micah it seemed. The ride to Strawberry would at least provide the time needed to sort things out in his head.

Charles nodded at him from across the camp as Arthur was getting his coffee. He wasn’t sure what to make of it but returned the gesture nonetheless. He glanced over to Alice’s closed tent, hoping she’d slept well after being on watch last night. He sighed, dumping the rest of his coffee and headed towards his horse.

 The ride to Strawberry was both beautiful and boring at the same time, especially when travelling alone. Arthur wished he could spend it just admiring the views but his head was currently filled with thoughts running off a mile a minute. His first goal was to try and sort out his own feelings towards Alice before getting into the deeper thoughts.

When he had first met her all those years ago he was certainly intrigued by the fire-haired girl. He had figured out fairly early on that she was trying to con him, bless her. If he hadn’t already been living with a professional conman for the past twelve years then he may have fallen for it. Even to this day whenever she’d ask why he decided to introduce her to Dutch he still didn’t really have a reason. Just felt like she was what their small gang needed at the time.

For the first few years she was with them he took on the same role he did with John at the time – the older brother. She mostly learned from Hosea but when it came to learning to fire a gun or riding a horse properly, she learned from Arthur. She was a terrible student: liked sleeping in, was horrible at taking directions, talked far too much for Arthur’s liking, and was clumsy as all hell. But she was determined, and it was that determination that led to Arthur enjoying her company more than John’s if he was being honest. Even if she was sassy and didn’t listen to him half the time she never gave up on learning. She’d complain all throughout gun training but she never stopped showing up to practice. Even after being bucked off far too many horses and getting increasingly upset, she would just get back up – though, not without yelling at Arthur for a bit. Eventually she grew up and Arthur would admit that he’d found himself thinking about her every so often. Even when he was courting Mary. Alice was always there to be his confidant, his partner. So when Mary left him he was grateful for her presence in his life. He’d tried on multiple occasions to push her away when his emotions got the better of him, but she’d always be there when he needed her, even when he didn’t know it.

Arthur sighed, leaning down to run his hand along Crayola’s neck. He’d finally found a name for his American Paint. He thought it was rather funny since the company made paints. Alice had teased him about it when he first brought up the idea.

“I feel like you’re the only woman who doesn’t make my brain hurt, girl.” He whispered to his horse, chuckling to himself.

He sighed. He knew he was sweet on Alice. He knew, he just never wanted to admit it. But now that he knew how she felt about him? He was mostly upset that he had waited so long to act on those feelings. He had been afraid of running her away, of her only seeing him as an older brother and not someone who could care for her. And now that she seemed to be with Charles…he wondered if he had missed his chance. He was too old for her anyways, he reminded himself. She deserved someone her age.

But she had said she cared for both of them, and was worried about losing him.

Arthur ran a hand down his face, holding his hand over his mouth. He never was good with figuring out his emotions. Let alone figuring out women. He shook the thoughts from his head, speeding up his horse as they neared Strawberry.

Hopefully this would be a simple jailbreak and he could head back to his bed for some much needed rest.

  Micah fucking Bell.

That’s all that was running through Arthur’s head as he moved through the town-turned-war zone. His head was pounding from all the noise and the rain didn’t help either as it caused him to focus on not slipping in the mud. Micah was bound and determined to shoot up the whole town instead of just escaping immediately after Arthur got him out. Arthur reluctantly followed the crazed man as they essentially wiped out half the town it seemed. He already had a lot on his conscious and this was certainly not helping. Especially when he discovered that the reason for all this madness was just for Micah to get his guns back from someone he knew in the past.

When the two finally managed to get away from the town – albeit by shooting anyone who followed – they stopped just outside where Micah gave Arthur one of his extra holsters. Arthur just stared at it for a while before accepting it. It wouldn’t make up for the shit he just pulled, but he’d admit the holster was at least nice looking. Not that he needed another one.

After parting ways, Arthur started the journey back to camp. He was both annoyed and thankful that Micah didn’t want to go back just yet. It meant he didn’t have to see him again for a while but it also meant he was going to probably do something stupid again.

Arthur stared at the holster. He might not need one…but he does know a certain lady who just might.

  ******

  Alice and Hosea were currently heading back to camp after taking a trip to Emerald Ranch. Hosea had set up a contact with a fence who was more than willing to buy any stage coaches the gang acquired. Alice was currently riding on Taima who was very well mannered but she could tell the horse was getting tired of Charles lending her off to people. Alice reminded herself to get a horse sooner rather than later. She glanced over to Hosea who was currently counting the stack of cash that Alice had taken from the home they swiped the stage coach from.

“A good find indeed!” He smiled over to her.

Alice returned the smile but her face must have shown her mixed feelings.

Even though it had been three days since Arthur had left to meet with Mary, she hadn’t seen him since. She knew he had been back after that night she was on watch but she couldn’t help but miss him. Even if she was a little sour.

“Still upset?”

She didn’t need to explain, he knew her feelings on the matter.

“Not necessarily.” She sighed. “I know…I know he loves her. And a love like that isn’t going to go away, even when they hurt you. Plus I know he’s too good to say no to someone in need – even when he acts all gruff and stoic.” They both laughed at that. “I just got a lot on my mind at the moment is all.”

“Well, I may be a crook, but I’ve also got a good ear if you wanna talk about it.” Hosea leaned closer, tapping his ear.

Alice truly loved Hosea. She knew he was a bad man, he is an outlaw after all, but he also took care of those under his wing. She learned so much about the art of conning people from him that half the time they ended up in a game of trying to out-con the other. Hosea usually won that one.

Alice gripped the reins a little tighter, fidgeting as she thought of how much to tell him. She’d learned from past experience that you always watch your words when it came to Hosea, he’d easily use it against you if necessary.  

“Let’s just say I’m currently dealing with…” The words got stuck in her throat. She pulled the air with her fingers to try and find the words she wanted to no avail. “Alright, look. I like Charles, yes?”

Hosea nodded, clearly interested by his smirk.

“But I also like Arthur?” She slouched in the saddle. “And I don’t exactly know what to do with these feelings. God forbid Arthur returned my feelings, then I’d have to, what? Choose between them? But that would mean hurting one of them in the process and I don’t want that.” She quickly realized she was just venting all of her thoughts but she couldn’t stop herself. “I mean if only I could-. “ She bit her cheek to stop that thought.

“Be with them both?” Hosea raised his eyebrows at her.

“I-!“ Alice’s cheeks were burning. “Would…would that be so weird?”

Hosea shrugged, taking in a deep breath while he thought.

“You’re not the first person to be dealing with these issues, my dear. No one can tell you what to do.” Hosea stopped Silver Dollar, Alice did the same. “Just do what you know will make you happy. Whatever that takes. And, I can tell you that Arthur most definitely returns your feelings.” He winked at her before trotting off.

Alice watched him ride away for a moment before her brain caught up and she nudged Taima forward. The two rode in silence for the rest of the journey, Alice’s thoughts a jumbled mess.

  The last thing she expected to see when they returned to camp that night was one Arthur Morgan pacing outside of her tent. It would be adorable if there wasn’t a small twinge in her chest that wondered if this was a good pacing or a bad pacing. She remembered Hosea’s teasing remark about Arthur liking her. She stepped forward quietly, tapping him on the shoulder to stop him from wearing a path in front of her tent.

“Everything okay?” She looked up at the man.

He definitely hadn’t been sleeping in the two days he was out, and if he did it wasn’t very restful.

“Just fine.” He smiled down at her, holding his hands behind him. “I….I wanted to apologize.”

Alice held up a hand, cutting him off.

“You got nothin’ to apologize for, Arthur. I’m the one that should be apologizing, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I know you were just being a gentleman by helping her is all.”

Arthur let a laugh out through his nose.

“Hardly a gentlemen.” He sigh, scuffing his boot on the ground. “You were right, though. In the end. Turns out she just needed my help in rescuin’ her brother and then she was off on a train tellin’ me I’ll never change.”

Alice scoffed, shaking her head.

“She hardly knows you anymore.” Alice placed a hand on his chest, her ears were warm. “You’re a good man, Arthur Morgan. When you want to be that is.” She smirked up at him.

“You got me there.” Arthur shook his head. “Speakin’ of which. I, uh, got somethin’ for ya.”

“Not another gift! I still have to get you back for the gun, Arthur.”

Arthur brought his hands forward, holding a black gun holster towards her. “Think of it as the second piece to the first one. ‘Sides, you gotta put your gun somewhere.”

Alice held the holster in her hand. It was simple, but beautifully crafted. She quickly ran into her tent to place it among her belongings.

“I love it.” She grinned up at him, all her dark thoughts from earlier pushed aside. “So what have you been up to? Been a while since you was in camp.”

Arthur scratched at the nape of his neck. “Yeah, after…all that. I had to go get Micah out of jail. That went about as well as you can imagine.”

Alice had heard the rumors from someone in Emerald Ranch, the Strawberry Massacre it was being called. She crossed her arms.

“Figures he’d start some shit like that. You make it out okay?” Her eyes scanned him for any injures.

“Yeah, just…I hate that I ended up killin’ that many folks.”

She nodded. “Anything else?”

“Well, went ahead and picked up a few payments for Strauss as well.”

Alice laughed. “Anything NOT horrible happen?”

Arthur smiled, “Actually, I did meet this rather strange photographer while I was out there. Fella got his supplies stolen by a thievin’ coyote.”

“I take it you went in and helped?”

Arthur nodded, a smile as if remembering it.

“I suppose you can’t stop yourself from helping everyone you come across, hm?”

Neither had to specify that she was talking about Mary as well with that question.

Arthur took his hat from his head, running his hands along the brim.

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out, Arthur.” Alice stared into his eyes. “I was just…”

“Jealous?” Arthur cut her off, a smirk on his lips.

Alice’s mouth hung open and she placed her hands on her hips.

“Now who said anythin’ about me bein’ jealous?”

Arthur leaned forward. “I may have come back that night and overheard you talkin’ with Charles.”

Alice’s mouth snapped shut and her teeth clacked together. “I see.”

“Charles is a good man though.” Arthur placed his hat back on his head. “He’ll take good care of you and I’m happy for you both.” He smiled gently down at her.

“Arthur…” Alice bit her lip. This was far too much confessing lately, she thought. “I care about you too, you know. Both of you, as I’m sure you heard. I just,  I need to think about things is all. You know?”

“Take all the time you need. I just want you to be happy is all. Charles too, I’m sure.”

“I take it Hosea was right in you returnin’ my feelings then?” It was Alice’s turn to smirk.

Despite the darkness of camp, Alice could definitely see Arthur’s cheek darken.

“That man, I swear.” He looked down, hiding his face with his hat.

Alice went to reply when a giant yawn escaped her instead.

He laughed, looking at her softly.

“Get some rest, sweetheart.”

  ******

  Arthur spent the next day with a bit more of a skip in his step. Felt like everything was going to work out fine for him that day. He and John had talked a bit that morning about the train that Mary-Beth had learned about in Valentine. With Arthur’s good mood it was easy for him to turn it into a means of teasing John about his wolf attack again. Turns out he and Uncle had come up with some ideas on how they could go about robbing the train so the plan for today was for Arthur to find and steal an oil wagon.

He was currently seated atop Crayola on a hill overlooking the Cornwall Kerosene and Tar Plant. He’d been there for at least an hour, maybe more, just watching the guards and trying to figure out a pattern. Once he was fairly confident, he pulled up his bandana and trotted up to the fence. He stood on his saddle to pull himself over it, landing on a stack of palettes on the other side. He landed right behind the wagon that had just been dropped off, the draft horses still harnessed thankfully. As quietly as he could he hopped onto the driver’s seat, shushing the horses as he started driving off.

The ensuing chase was much more dangerous considering his cargo and every time a shot fired off from the guards Arthur flinched, expecting a sudden explosion. By the time he managed to escape his pursuers he was more than ready to just be done with this thing. Crayola had trailed along beside him for the journey and he was thankful that she hadn’t run off too far with all the gun fire.

He found the dilapidated shack that John pointed out and slowed the horses to a stop. Once he undid their harnesses he set them free and returned to his own. He was a little hesitant about just leaving the oil wagon out here but it seemed rather secluded. Should it go missing, he thought, then it’s John’s fault for picking this place.

With that, he set off back to camp since it was still rather early in the afternoon. When he got back he was stopped by Abigail before he could get too far.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

“Probably not…” Arthur looked at her skeptically.

Abigail rolled her eyes. “Very funny. Would you do something with Jack? He seems kinda down. All this upheaval can’t have been easy on the poor kid. ”

Arthur scoffed. “Why? Because I’m your preferred nursemaid?”

“Because you do what you say.” Abigail placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please?”

Arthur sighed. Why did everyone have to make it so hard to say no sometimes?

“Okay.”

Abigail smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

Arthur spotted Jack sitting on the ground on the other side of camp with Alice and made his way over to them. It seemed they were currently drawing in the dirt. Arthur smiled a bit at the scene, his mind making some rather lovely mental images.

“Whatchu up to?” He kneeled down next to Jack.

“Playing” Jack replied, still holding the stick in his hand.

“Anything fun?”

“I guess…”

“Well I see how it is, mister.” Alice teased, poking Jack in the side earning a giggle from the kid.

“Say, you wanna come fishing with me?”

“Fishing?”

“Sure! It’s about time you started to earn your keep. ‘Sides, I bet I’m way more fun than your Aunt Alice here.”

Alice gaped up at him, wrinkling her nose. Arthur shot her a wink.

“Okay!” Jack turned to Alice. “Sorry, Aunt Alice.”

Alice laughed, ruffling the Jack’s hair. “It’s alright. You two have fun, okay?”

“Let’s go get your pole then. You do have a fishing pole, don’t you?”

“I sure do! Uncle Hosea made me one!” Jack smiled up at Arthur.

“Good! Well let’s go get it then. And go catch us some fish!”

“Yeah!” Jack exclaimed, running off towards his and Abigail’s tent.

Arthur smiled as he watched him. He always had a soft spot for the boy, especially with what happened to his own child. He sighed at the memories but was brought out of his dark thoughts by Alice striding up next to him. She was wiping off dirt from her hands but her view was on Jack as well.

“He’s far too adorable to be living with us outlaws.” She smiled.  

“It’s unfair, really.” Arthur crossed his arms, watching as Jack ran back towards them.

“Ya’ll have fun out there. Bring us back something good, ya hear?”

Arthur nodded at Alice as she walked off and Arthur headed towards Crayola. Once he was mounted up, and put away Jack’s fishing pole, he pulled the kid up into his saddle, settling him in front of him.

The ride down to the Dakota River was filled with chatter between the two. It seemed Jack was excited to be out of camp and Arthur couldn’t really blame him. He doesn’t exactly have anyone else his age to play with. When they finally reached the river Arthur stopped Crayola on the shore to graze while he and Jack got set up near the water.

 After about two minutes Jack quickly gave up fishing due to it being “boring.” Arthur laughed. He felt the same when he was Jack’s age so he let the kid go off to apparently make something for Abigail. In the meantime Arthur managed to catch a couple of fish to take back to camp and went to put them in his saddle bags – he didn’t want to ruin his journal by shoving them in his satchel. He figured he should probably go check on Jack and headed back to the kid.

“Hey, look at this!” Jack called out as Arthur got closer.

“Look at what?”

Jack held up his little project. “This necklace I made!”

“Necklace?” Arthur squatted down to stare at the flower-chain necklace.

“For momma.” Jack adjusted one of the knots.

Arthur smiled at him when he heard a crunch behind him and shot up at a voice.

“What a fine young man,” A finely dressed stranger called out. “And in such complex circumstances. Arthur isn’t it? Arthur Morgan?”

Arthur moved to block the man’s view of Jack. His partner pulled out a rifle, loading it.

“Who are you?” Arthur glanced at the badges attached to their jackets.

“Yes, Arthur Morgan…Van der Linde’s most trusted associate. You’ve read the files, typical case,” the man looked towards his partner. “Orphaned street kid seduced by that maniac’s silver tongue, and matures into a degenerate murderer.” The man gestured between himself and his partner. “Agent Milton. Agent Ross. Pinkerton Detective Agency, seconded to the United States Government. Nice to finally meet. We know a lot about you!”

Arthur glared. “Do you?”

“You’re a wanted man, Mr. Morgan. There’s five thousand dollars for your head alone.”

“Five thousand dollars? For me?” Arthur huffed a laugh, glancing back at Jack for a moment. “Can I turn myself in?”

The man, Agent Milton, continued unamused. “We want Van der Linde.”

“Old Dutch? I haven’t seen him for months.”

“That so? ‘Cause I heard a guy fitting his description robbed a train belonging to Leviticus Cornwall up near Granite Pass.”

“Oh, ain’t that a little old fashioned now-a-days?” Arthur fidgeted, he wasn’t sure how those fools he let live on the train could have figured it out.

“Apparently not.” Milton deadpanned. “Listen, this is my offer, Mr. Morgan: bring in Van der Linde, and you have my word you won’t swing.”

Arthur stepped towards him. “Oh, I ain’t gonna swing anyways, Agent, um…?”

“Milton.”

“You see, I haven’t done anything wrong. Aside from not playing the games to your rules.”

“Spare me the philosophy lesson,” Milton shook his head. “I’ve already heard it, from Mac Callander.”

“Mac Callander?” Arthur bristled. They had assumed the man was dead this whole time.

“He was pretty shot up by the time I got to him, so really, it was more of a mercy killing. Slow…but merciful.”

Arthur’s jaw twitched and he threw his fishing pole to the ground. Agent Ross held up his rifle and Arthur could hear Jack gasp behind him.

“You enjoy being a rich man’s toy do ya’?” Arthur growled out.

“I enjoy society. Flaws and all. You people venerate savagery and you will die savagely. All of you.”

The two were almost nose-to-nose by this point.

“Oh, we’re all gonna die, Agent.”

“Some of us sooner than others.” Milton stared Arthur down for one more moment before walking away. “Good day, Mr. Morgan.”

“Goodbye.” Arthur glared at the man’s back.

Agent Ross backed away, his gun still up. “Enjoy your fishing, kid. While you still can.”

Arthur spotted Jack walking out from behind his legs.

“Who were they?” His voice picked up.

Arthur placed his hands on the top of Jack’s head, driving his focus away from the agents. “No one to worry about. No one at all. Come on, let’s pick up your things and get home.”

 The ride back to camp was much less jovial than the ride out. Jack of course had his questions and Arthur tried his best to answer them without worrying the poor kid. He didn’t need to think about these kinds of things at his age. He tried distracting him as much as he could by talking about the necklace he had made for Abigail and whether or not he had enjoyed fishing. The verdict was the same as before: boring. Arthur hitched Crayola, helping Jack down off the saddle and into Abigail’s waiting arms. She was more than thankful for both her gift and Arthur’s help but he needed to speak with Dutch.

Arthur rubbed his face as he headed towards Dutch’s tent. He spotted Alice and Charles off in the distance. It seemed he was teaching her how to fletch arrows. They both spotted him and he nodded in their direction. Arthur walked up to Dutch who was reading on his cot.

“We got a problem.”

“What?”

“I just met some guys out near the river,” Arthur stepped closer hastily. “A feller named, erm…Milton, and erm…I don’t remember the other feller’s name. Ross! Milton and Ross.”

Dutch shrugged. “And?”

“And, they are employees of the Pinkerton Detective Agency. And they know about the train and they know we’re here.” Arthur could feel himself getting riled up, pacing through the tent.

Dutch stood, stepping towards Arthur. “Were you followed back here?”

“No.” Arthur held up his hands. “They know we’re near here and they want you, Dutch.”

Dutch had walked out into the space in front of his tent. Arthur could tell his mind was racing.

“They offered me my freedom in exchange they did.”

“Why didn’t you take it?” Dutch looked towards the edge of camp, the question had no real bite to it but Arthur still couldn’t believe he’d ask that.

“Very funny…” Arthur caught up with Dutch. “Well what do we do now?”

Dutch continued walking around the area, scratching his head in thought. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at Arthur.

“I say we do nothing just yet. They’re just trying to scare us into doing something stupid.” Arthur wasn’t sure if it was to calm himself or convince himself. “We have turned a corner, we survived them mountains. We just need to stay calm.”

Arthur nodded along. He understood. Dutch lingered for a moment before breaking away, still watching the edges of the camp.

Arthur walked over to where Alice and Charles were sitting and joined them.

“You okay?” Alice asked.

Arthur took in a deep breath. This day had certainly taken a turn.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

Arthur smiled tightly at her, she seemed hesitant but accepted it nonetheless. Charles offered to teach Arthur how to make arrows as well and Arthur welcomed the distraction. He couldn’t keep his eyes from flitting to the forest surrounding them and hoped whoever was on watch kept their eyes open tonight.

[thedarkenedkeeper]

Glitched: Part 16 - Curious I See

Author’s Note: Oh my GAAAWWWWDDDDD!! FINALLY! I FUCKING LIVE!! Jesus FUCKING Christ! *dies*

How I absolutely LOATHED working on this chapter. Don’t get me wrong, I like it and I wrote it because I felt it was necessary for the story, but jfc, I had such a difficult time writing it out the way I envisioned it in my head. I apologize for just how FUCKING long it took for me to get this out. Things came up in my life, it’s been ridiculously hot the last couple of weeks which naturally made me so hot that I didn’t want to do anything. And I’m going away the next few days, so I wanted to get this done before I leave. SO here it is! Hallelujah! 

So I kind of lied, there is some horror in this chapter (surprise, surprise!). I didn’t lie though about it being a “break” chapter so don’t worry - there’s no angst or gore in this, so you can all relax and breathe (’cause believe me, you’re going to need it). Slight warning though: things tend to get quite creepy and uneasy in this chapter (what else is new?). A character is described as a corpse with gross descriptions. 

I’m taking a notebook with me while I’m away so I’ll hopefully get started on Part 17.

Read this while listening to this playlist.

Enjoy the (final) break, guys! ;D

Close your eyes and open your mind. Take deep breaths – inhale and exhale slowly…slowly…slowly…

 Feel your body going slack, feel your muscles loosening and your nerves relaxing. You’re beginning to feel tired but not sleepy, drifting into a state of unconsciousness but still very much awake. You’re floating away into a sea of darkness, and yet you still have a grip on your body, you can feel it. There’s a comforting warmth blossoming in your chest and weaving throughout your veins, relieving you in knowing that you’re alright and your body – your physical body – isn’t going anywhere.  You can’t see anything, even when you open your eyes. There’s nothing but never-ending black – that is until there isn’t.

 The void – an otherworldly dimension of space, a dream within a dream. A haven that you and you alone can escape to and warp to your exact liking, a place where you can become a god and shape your own world with a flick of the wrist and a snap of your fingers. A sanctuary for your inner personas to feel safe and content.  A mind palace where no one but you holds the power and control over everything.

 No one can be let in and no one can be let out.

 Because if something were to somehow find a way to get inside, there’d be no telling what would happen.

 The darkness would probably no longer be your blanket of security. The warmth would probably be sucked from right out of your chest cavity. The air would probably become tainted with something so putrid you’d find yourself suffocating. Something twisted and unearthly would probably have its nails sunk deep into the roots of your safe place, creating its own diseased world. And you would probably find yourself rotting from the inside out, desperately trying to escape from the place you had built and known to have once been wonderful and welcoming.

 The worst part?

 You would probably not notice any of it until it was too late.

 * * * * *

 Why are you out here again?...Oh! Right! ‘Cause you felt like something was wrong and you felt the need to go and see for yourself. Curse you and your instinctive need to make sure everything’s okay!

 The lone hero was currently wandering around in the void – not his specific part of the void but the overall spacious part of the void that didn’t belong to any particular ego. Given just how empty the space was, it was quite literally a never-ending black abyss; not a whole lot of light brightened the place, although there wasn’t much to shed light on. And yet, within the darkness, there was beauty and a sense of comfort.

 The entire floor wasn’t a floor at all, more so a continuous runway of water; illuminated by bare-branched neon trees rising tall on either side of the paths leading towards each individual ego’s world. Those trees weaved out up high into the shadows, a thick smog clouding the sky and dissipating the closer it reached the ground. Pulses of blinding shades of color originated from the roots and surged upward throughout the shimmering bark every couple of seconds. It was as though the energy and life of the trees were visible to the naked eye. The branches were so thin and veiny; anyone would surely do a double take and think they resembled nerves in the brain, what with the charges of power coursing through each branch.

 With each step the green-haired man took, the water beneath his feet rippled and produced a faint glow of ruby red, an indication of which ego was out and about. The color was always different, depending on which ego was taking a stroll through the void. Surprisingly, although the ground was completely made of water and appeared frighteningly deep, the man didn’t sink. In fact, his feet weren’t even getting wet; the clear liquid just ran off of his boots in droplets, not soaking into the material or leaving behind any evidence of him having walked along water. He strolled along the path, a faint trail of crimson following behind him as he took a look around at his surroundings. The neon trees, the darkness, the foggy haze, the pathways leading off to his friends’ own sanctuaries. He hummed with thought, kicking at the ground, sending a splash of red forth.

 It was very rare for an ego to ever leave their little world and wander off into the open void. But every now and again, whether it was to go and visit one of their identical twins or to just get some fresh air and have some peace and quiet to think, they’d find their way out into the dark.

 So what was the heroic Jackieboy Man’s reason for venturing off into the mystical?

 One moment the hero had been rescuing an older lady’s poor cat from up high in a tree and the next he found himself getting hit with a gut-wrenching sense of dread, like something was very wrong. His first thought was that maybe someone was in need of a superhero somewhere in the city. Maybe someone had gotten hurt, maybe someone was being robbed, maybe someone was getting their car jacked. Anytime someone was in need of help or there was any danger, his superhero instincts would automatically kick in and give him a heads up. It had made sense for him to assume it was just his “spidey-sense” notifying him of any nearby danger. But that was just the thing: there wasn’t anyone in need of a hero during that time. He figured it was his brain tricking him and that he just desperately wanted to do more heroic things that day, so he brushed it off and went off on his merry way. It wasn’t until later on when he strolled past the entrance to his world when he was once again overcome with a wrongful feeling. Chills creeped up along his spine and everything seemed to had gone eerily quiet around him as he stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the wormhole with perplexity but more so concern.

 Was something wrong outside of his world? Had something happened to one of the other egos? He had no idea, and even though he knew very well that Jack was always the first one to be notified of strange goings-on in the void, his instinct was to take immediate action and make sure things were okay. He was there when Jack had shown up, throat slit and choking on his own blood, and he had been there when Chase attempted suicide, lying in a dazed state and bleeding out. He may have been there, but he hadn’t shown up in time. He hadn’t saved them. He hadn’t been the hero he was supposed to be. So if something was really wrong somewhere off in the void, then he was going to make sure he would make it in time before anyone would get hurt.

 He had left his world and stepped out into the open darkness, storming off and taking glances around to search for anything out of the ordinary. Everything seemed fine. The trees were all still glowing brightly in the multiple colors they always interchanged from. The ground was still wet and illuminated red with each step he took. He didn’t see anyone rushing off to someone else’s world out of panic. He didn’t see Jack show up to see for himself what was going on. There didn’t appear to be anything wrong with the void, nor were any of the other egos out in the open. And yet, that godawful cancer of dismay remained festering in his stomach, chewing at his insides piece by piece. Everything may have appeared normal, but he knew – he KNEW – something wasn’t right.

 The masked hero slowed his pacing as he finally came to the crossroads, lining out the four pathways to each ego’s part of the void. Marvin the Magnificent’s carnival was straight ahead, a faint purple ring in the distance indicating where the entrance was. Off to his left, in the far vastness of space, a bright blue portal was seen – an entrance to Dr. Schneeplestein’s world – and to his right, a loop of energetic orange, home to Chase Brody. He stopped in the center of the intersection, scanning the area around him for any sign of movement.

 “Hello?” He called out into the never-ending blackness. “Hello? Guys? Is everything alright?”

 He didn’t receive any sort of response, nor did he manage to make out anyone come out of their worlds to see him. Nothing but eerie, dead silence filled the air, and it didn’t make Jackieboy Man feel at ease in the slightest. He had called out for them – surely someone would’ve heard him. Someone would’ve come out to see what the commotion was about. And yet, there was nothing. He was alone in the dark, and that was something that never happened. Anytime he’d come out into the open for a stroll, he may have been alone, but he never truly felt alone. He knew the other egos were each there in the void with him, off doing their own individual things. He was never truly alone. But now – what with this harrowing leech wriggling through his insides…

 Slowly – and barely even there – thin, icy-cold digits creeped up along his shoulder blade.

 Jackie jolted and immediately spun around on his heel, sucking in a breath at only seeing eternal darkness in his wake. His eyes darted around the place wildly, searching for someone – anyone! He damn well knew he had felt someone’s hand on his shoulder, so how come he didn’t see anyone around?

 An unearthly chuckle of glee reverberated throughout the void, an even more mangled giggle overlapping it and coming from off in the deep black of space. Jackie jerked his head in the direction of where the giggle seemed to be originating from and cocked his head in slight confusion. It wasn’t coming from any one of the egos’ worlds – he was staring directly out at pitch blackness, completely off the paths made for the egos to wander on.

 It was coming from out in an open, uncharted area of the void where no light was seen.

 He swallowed dryly and parted his lips, still staring at the shadows. “Hello?” His voice echoed. “Who’s there?”

 The silence returned for a moment or two with a vengeance, admittedly sending chills up and racing along his spine. He cautiously took a step forward, never taking his attention away from where he had heard the giggle.

 “Hello?!”

 A shot of ice burned through his spine at feeling someone tap at his shoulder.

 Jackie gasped sharply and whirled around, wide-eyed and a tad bit shaken. No one was there. Another childish giggle sounded from the abyss before him, almost taunting him. He frowned, starting to get agitated. Was one of the others playing a trick on him? Because if so, it wasn’t funny.

 “Hey!” He shouted, immediately charging forward and leaping over the marked pathway; sprinting off in the direction of where the giggle had come from. He may not have seen anyone, but he had definitely felt someone touch him. He didn’t feel so alone anymore – someone else was there in the open void with him and he was going to find them and put an end to this joke of theirs’.

 Into the darkness he delved, the foggy breath of black ghosting over him and sucking him in the deeper he went. He couldn’t see a thing at this point now, not an ounce of light shining through. If possible, it seemed to be getting even darker the further he ran. Whoever was hiding from him let out a mocking laugh, evidently deriving sheer amusement from the hero’s puzzlement and desperate need to find the culprit. Releasing an uneven breath and slowing himself down to a halt, Jackieboy Man scanned around him for any sign of movement. All he saw was black – pure, empty, cloak-of-the-Grim-Reaper black. Even when he reached his hand outward, he couldn’t see it; it was one with the darkness. He searched all around him, turning around in circles until he was dizzy, but there wasn’t any sign of light whatsoever. He couldn’t see the neon trees branching upward towards the sky. He couldn’t see the illuminated watery pathways. He couldn’t see any of the portals to the egos’ homes. He saw absolutely nothing and it was only making the lingering feeling in his gut tighten to a sickeningly discomforting extent.

 Where were the paths and the trees? There was no way he had run off that far, and even if he had gone a pretty lengthy distance, he would still be able to see the lights from where he was. So why was everything gone? Why couldn’t he see anything?

 An awful, cruel cackle resounded through the place, jabbing pins and needles into the hero’s back and making his heart give a jolt of worriment. His eyes darted around nervously, swallowing thickly as he took a couple of wary steps forward.

 “Show yourself!” He demanded, his words getting dragged out of him and floating through the endless space for god-knows-who to hear.

 He only received a stifling chuckle in response. Following it, an abundance of whispers began to blossom in the air, each distinct and faintly reaching out to him. He couldn’t pinpoint what they were saying as there were too many voices speaking at once, but each one was using a haunting tone of voice that drove home what he feared: he was now in a dangerous situation and he needed to turn back NOW. Forget trying to find who was behind all of the taunting and teasing, he didn’t feel safe – his wellbeing, as well as the safety of the egos, was his top priority at that moment.

 Jackie began to backtrack his steps, trying to recall the way he came, but how do you know you’re going in the right direction when you can’t see a damn thing? A few of the whispers increased in loudness, wisps of them drifting right past his ears and feeding him the most chilling of things, they made him stop dead in his tracks. His eyes widened, a quivering breath getting wrenched out of him so violently he nearly doubled over.

 “…couldn’t save them.”

               “…dead…”

                               “Where were you?”

“…you let…”

                               “Why?”

               “…them suffer…”

“The poor souls…”

                                               “…your friends…”

               “What kind…”

“Please…”

                                                               “…left to rot.”

               “The children were…”

                                               “of hero are you?”

“He’s coming…”

                               “…for you.”

 A loud bubbly giggle belonging to a little girl rang out from behind the scared hero, causing him to jump and turn to very vaguely make out something deathly-white race by in the distance. With his poor heart feeling the effects of the festering cancer taking hold, Jackie strode forward. His breathing had picked up and alongside the whispers, all he could hear was the deafening beating of his heart pounding away at his ribcage. He clenched his fingers, balling them up into tight fists in an attempt to stave off his growing anxiety. He was a superhero, he didn’t fear anything! He could take anything on with ease and was never one to back down on a challenge! He would NOT succumb to this scheming individual’s tricks of getting a rise out of him!

 “Hello?” His voice echoed. “Guys, if this is some kind of prank, it isn’t funny!” He snapped, a sliver of his building dread interlacing his words.

 Another sweet girlish giggle met his ears, his eyes staring straight ahead to find a small pale figure standing still, staring right back at him with what looked an awful lot like a large grin – he couldn’t fully tell given how far away this individual was and with how dark it was. He squinted, trying to make out the figure more clearly. He licked his lips, hesitating to speak.

 “Who are you?”

 Now hold on, Jackie, think about this for a moment. A little girl was giggling a second ago and that looks a lot like a little girl. Who has a little girl? The doctor does, as does Chase. Maybe she’s one of them. Maybe she’s a part of –

 His thoughts got cut short when he noticed the figure begin to move, bee-lining straight for him. As the figure drew closer, Jackieboy Man’s vision started to clear up and the shapes and details of long dark hair and a cute floral dress could be made out. It was a little girl – probably four years old – one who gave off an eerily similar appearance as Dr. Schneeplestein’s youngest daughter.

 “Ilsa?” Jackie questioned. “What – What are you doing out here all alone?”

 The girl suddenly came to an abrupt stop, her head cocking to the left with a gross crack, sending prickles of unease throughout the green-haired hero’s veins. A bouncy laugh ruptured from her throat.

 “I’m not awone, silly! I’m here with you!” She chirped happily.

 Jackie, gulping down the fear strangling his insides, warily approached her, shrinking down a bit as he moved, feeling the need to be on her level. As he did, the whispers grew louder as though they were warning him to stay away.

 “Ilsa, you shouldn’t be out here.” He coughed, nearly choking on his own breath.

 He felt himself struggling to breathe the closer he got to the girl – it felt like a giant weight was slowly but surely being pressed down on his chest, like some force was resisting him and not wanting him to go any further.

 “Your,” He cleared his throat, “Y-Your mother is probably w-worried sick.” He coughed harshly and groaned out of discomfort.

 The air was growing revoltingly moist and putrid, so much so he nearly gagged. It was heavy and thick, he found himself gulping down breaths of air. He immediately regretted it. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as a waft of rot and decay unexpectedly attacked his senses. He couldn’t begin to describe the smell. Rancid milk, moldy fruit, rotten eggs – none of that could beat this scent. His eyes screwed shut as he clasped a hand over his mouth, hunching over while holding his stomach. Bile flooded his throat and he had to stop for a moment to try and settle down his insides from coercing him into vomiting.

 “Come pway with me.”

 Jackie hesitantly pried an eye open to take a glance at the girl, who seemed to have closed a good distance between the two. She was still staring at him with cold eyes, lifting an arm and outstretching her hand palm up, almost as though she was expecting the ego to take it. However, there appeared to be something shiny glinting in her hand. Trembling all over from just how nerve-racked he was, as well as from his will power to stave off the need to hurl, the hero swallowed down the sick in his throat and struggled to keep himself upright. He gradually inched toward the child, still finding it quite hard to make out her face or the object in her hand. His heart was pummelling deep inside his chest, the roaring rush of blood racing in his ears making him feel all the more nauseous. It took him a prolonged moment to hear over the noise and make out a faint buzzing coming from around the girl. His brows furrowed in question at not only the sound but finally noticing something dripping from the girl’s hand, and at that moment, an overwhelming odor of iron overcame him. His eyes widened slightly, mouth hanging agape, about to ask what the hell she was holding.

 He didn’t get to ask.

 His heart jolted painfully in his chest, nearly springing out of his chest cavity at hearing the evil laugh from earlier reverberate from behind him. The masked hero jumped and whirled around to see no one standing there. His breathing was very ragged now, coming and going in sharp gasps. He couldn’t even get himself to speak!

 “Come pway with us, Mr. Jackieboy.”

 His face contorted with puzzlement at hearing what she said. He began to turn around to face her.

 “Us? What do you – AH!” He yelped in alarm, staggering backward at seeing her now standing only a few feet away from him.

 The buzzing was more audible, the insistent humming of flies invading his bothered ears. His face scrunched up out of disturbance at seeing an accumulation of flies swarming the girl, quite a few landing on her face and extended arm. Jackie opened his mouth, lips trembling and fighting to part so he could ask her what was going on. But his question got lodged in his throat as soon as she stepped forward, finally revealing herself and looking up at him with her milky-white eyes.

 “Pway with us, Mr. Jackieboy.” She giggled, causing her deeply-cut decaying Glasgow smile to stretch impossibly wide; a fly squeezing out and taking flight. She held her hand out to him, causing the horrified hero to cast his gaze downward to find a bloodied scalpel in her palm.

 Jackieboy Man’s eyes bulged out of horror, a hand slapping over his gaping mouth. He shook his head, taking a hesitant step back.

 “Oh my God – Oh my GOD! Ilsa, what –” He lowered his hand, instantly surging forward and kneeling in front of the girl, grabbing her by the shoulders. His fingertips seemed to sink easily into her bare skin. It felt quite mushy and gross, her flesh and muscle horribly putrefied. The hero nearly choked on his own saliva. His eyes quickly raked over her small body before meeting her fogged-up stare. “what happened to you?! Where are your parents’?!”

 Ilsa dropped her hand at her side and chuckled lightly, shaking her head, her whole body moving with her. She lifted a finger to her lips.

 “Shhh. I can’t tell you. It’s part of his game.”

 Jackieboy Man’s brows screwed together. “His game? Who is he? Please, Ilsa. Come on, please tell me!” He tightened his grip on her, his finger slipping into her rotten meat with ease. “What is going on?!”

 The little girl sighed softly and glanced off into space, humming with thought for a drawn-out moment. She looked back at the frightened man before her and shrugged.

 “Alwight, I guess I can tell you a secret.” She blinked, tilting her head and leaning in a bit. “Can you keep a secret, Mr. Jackieboy?”

 He gave a nod in agreement. “Yes, yes I can. I’ll definitely keep your secret.” He was getting desperate now. He wanted to hear what had happened to her and NEEDED to know about it. Whoever or whatever had done this to her was going to face justice immediately.

 Ilsa raised her hand, curling in all of her fingers except her pinky. “You have to pinky pwomise.”

 He shifted his attention to her malformed finger, hooking his own with hers’, a chill running down his spine at feeling it squish against his. He eyed her, nodding again. “I promise.”

 Ilsa took back her hand and smiled brightly, knowing fully well she was about to tell him something she wasn’t supposed to.

 “You can’t find Mommy or Daddy because he’s alweady found them.” She said in a whisper, shaking her head. “And he’d be weally mad if you found them too.”

 Jackie jerked away from her, only becoming further confused and looking at her with dread settling deep into his nerves. “Who has found your parents, Ilsa? Did this guy do this to you?”

 There was a very long, increasingly uncomfortable interlude growing between the two, the masked man staring at Schneeplestein’s daughter in the dying need for answers. He watched as the smile on her face stretched, the major cuts in either side of her mouth only making her once angelic face all the more grotesque. She giggled with delight and slowly tilted her head backward, staring up at the endless darkness above them. Jackie glanced at what she was looking at, seeing nothing but black.

 “What? What’s so funny – why are you laughing?” He asked, shaking her shoulders gently before releasing his hold on her.

 Ilsa giggled once more, acting as though someone or something was communicating with her – something that only she could hear. And it was with that realization that Jackieboy Man cautiously began to rise to his feet and step back away from her.

 “He’s here now, Mr. Jackieboy.” The little girl beamed.

 From the darkness, a few feet above her, a set of piercing neon-green eyes sliced through the black, shooting fear directly into the now-quivering hero’s poor heart. A soft hiss slithered through the dead air, accompanied with a cringe-worthy crack of the entity’s neck; its eyes now boring into his on an angle. Jackie’s breathes were starting to come out panicked and raspy, instantly taking a few more steps back. Ilsa lowered her head and looked back out at her favorite hero, crudely cut-up smile on her face.

 “He wants to pway with you now.” She giggled with delight.

 A pair of black hands with elongated fingers curled over her shoulders possessively as another hiss came from the creature behind her. The demonic, sinister laugh Jackieboy Man had heard earlier erupted in the room all around them, and that was all it took. He instantly began running backward, wanting to be as far away from her as possible, his wide-eyes fixed on whatever was staring at him.

 Ilsa didn’t move from where she was; she remained standing there, still staring at him with a glazed-over expression and holding the bloody scalpel down at her side. It took Jackie what felt like ages until he tore his gaze away from her and that thing, laboured breaths of panic expelling from him as he rushed to get away from Schneeplestein’s corpse-of-a-daughter. He bolted through the eternal darkness, hearing the whispers whine and moan, black sinister tendrils lashing out and attempting to claw at his arms and legs. He had no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out of here, he NEEDED to get out of here, HE NEEDED TO –

 The green-haired hero ran smackdab into someone, a dull ache pulsing through his body at the collision. He felt a set of hands grasp his shoulders and gently stop him, holding him a good distance away. However, he was so shaken up from what he’d seen a minute ago that his entire body tensed up all over at being touched by some unknown thing. And not being able to see who or what it was, he immediately started swatting at the thing’s arms, wriggling in its grip.

 “Let go of me! Let go of me, goddamn it!” He shouted, making attempts at escaping the entity’s hold. “I’ll break your arm, I swear to God, I’ll do it! I’ll – !”

 “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jackie, stop! Stop! It’s me!”

 With a blink of his eyes, the hero broke out of his terror-induced state and found himself staring into the eyes of his creator, Jack. The Irishman was lightly holding him by the shoulders, astonishment and concern gleaming in his cerulean eyes. He looked genuinely unsettled by the man in red. Jackie blinked rapidly out of stunned bewilderment, taking anxious glances over his shoulder to see if the decaying reanimated corpse of Ilsa was still there, standing in the distance, waiting for him to “play” with the entity speaking to her. She wasn’t anywhere in sight, nor were the set of green eyes. In fact, when the masked hero turned back to Jack, it took him some time to even recognize where he was.

 He was out by the crossroads again, standing on the watered pathway with the trees glowing bright on either side.

 His brows knitted together as his eyes took in his surroundings. What the hell had happened? He had just been out in the far off reaches of the void – places no one had ventured off into – and he had experienced what he could only call a living nightmare. Everything had felt so incredibly real. The mocking giggles, the haunting whispers, the stomach-churning stench of death, the feeling of being watched, the dead-alive mutilated cadaver of his friend’s daughter. He couldn’t get any of it out of his head. Jack stood there, not taking his hands off of the ego’s shoulders, still looking at him worriedly.

 “Jackie?” He asked softly, not wanting to upset him in anyway.

 The hero flinched at suddenly hearing his name, his attention immediately shifting back to the YouTuber, eyes blown wide with fright. Jack bent his head down a tad bit, searching the masked man’s eyes for understanding, hoping he recognized him.

 “What’s wrong?” He once again used a gentle tone of voice, nearly whispering.

 Jackie continued to stare at him with a hybrid of perplexity and fear for a drawn-out minute. He shook his head, taking glances over his shoulder again.

 “I…I-I don’t…I don’t understand.” He stuttered, having a tough time getting out the words he wanted to say. “I-I was…Sh-She was there. I saw her and the way she looked, the-the way she…” A whine of distress slipped out of him before groaning out of annoyance for not making clear sense. “I saw her! I know what I saw – it was all dark and she –”

 “She?” Jack interjected, tilting his head out of confusion. “What did you see, Jackie? Tell me.”

 Jackie stopped his babbling and shifted his attention back onto his creator, staring at him, taking note of just how puzzled and bothered the man appeared to be. He licked his lips, hesitating to ask.

 “You…You didn’t…You didn’t see her?” He took another glance over his shoulder, pointing out in the direction of where he had run off. “She was somewhere in there! Ilsa was in there, and she-she was undead, and there was some…some thing there with her, and –”

 “Whoa, wait, hold on. Ilsa? Henrik’s daughter?” Jack asked, looking at the ego puzzlement.

 Jackieboy Man nodded, still taking worrisome glances over his shoulder. “Yeah, I saw her out there, but Jack, she –”

 The Irishman shook his head. “But…But that’s not possible. No one from any one of your guys’ worlds can come wandering about out here in the open – you know that. Only you four came come out here.”

 “I know, but I swear, Jack, I saw her. I know I saw her.”

 Jack shook his head slightly. “Jackie, I…I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what you think you saw, but I didn’t see anything.  I just got here a moment ago, and within a minute of my arrival, you suddenly ran into me and started hitting me, freaking out and threatening to break my arm.” He said bewilderedly.

 It was Jackie’s turn to be stricken with major confusion. “What?” He blinked, turning to look back out at the eternal darkness of the void. “But…But I was out there…I know I was.” He whispered to himself out of thought. He looked back at Jack to see the man staring at him with uncertainty along with concern.

 “Jackie, what’s going on? Are you feeling alright?” He moved forward to feel Jackieboy Man’s forehead. He hummed. “It doesn’t feel like you’re running a fever.”

 Jackie groaned and grabbed Jack’s hand, pulling it away from his head. He shook his head. “I…I don’t know. Maybe it’s my ‘spidey-sense’ getting the better of me. I just…” He sighed with exhaustion, “I just thought that maybe something was wrong out here, that’s all. I guess I wanted some more action – more adventure – and came out here in search of it, I don’t know.”

 The Irishman was still looking at him doubtfully. “You sure? Because you seemed extremely disturbed a moment ago. I know you’ve got your superhero instincts set to a high alert level and all, but I –”

 Jackie’s eyes shot up to meet his. “I’ll be fine, Jack.” He shrugged. “Maybe…Maybe I need to try and distract myself with other things, you know? Get some hobbies – do some things that aren’t hero related. Change things up a bit and not let the adrenaline and need to prove myself get in the way too much.”

 Jack searched his eyes, trying to determine if the ego was telling the truth and would, indeed, be alright. After a good long minute of going over everything that had happened and what Jackie had said, he saw through the façade and noticed how the hero was keeping something from him. He was chewing on his lip and continuously looking around as though he was expecting to get jumped by something at any given moment. Jack’s eyes narrowed.

 “There’s something else bothering you…What is it?” He took a look past Jackie’s shoulder, seeing nothing but pure blackness. “Is it involving what you saw?”

 Jackie didn’t reply, not instantly anyway. He was on edge, the things he had seen and heard repeatedly tormenting his mind to the point he wanted to curl into a ball. His fingers clenched into tight fists, his nails digging into his palms through the fabric of his suit. He bit his bottom lip deeply, almost to the point of cutting it, hesitant to give an answer.

 “Jack…nothing can get into the void…right?” His gaze slowly glided back to his creator, trepidation hanging off of each word that slide off of his tongue.

 Jack blinked, having not really expected the question. He shook his head. “Right, nothing but me can come and go from here.” He frowned. “Why do you ask?”

 Jackie stepped closer, a hybrid of worry and suspicion upon his face. “I…I think there’s something wrong with the void.”

 His creator’s brows rose up into his hairline. “What makes you think that? If there was something wrong with the void, Jackie, I would be the first to know about it, believe me.”

 The masked hero huffed. “I know, I know – and I believe you. But something doesn’t feel right to me. All afternoon, I’ve gotten nothing but bad vibes, and when I stepped out here to investigate, those vibes grew a lot worse.” He eyed the green-haired man as he motioned out to the egos’ portals. “I even called out to everyone, asking if everything was alright, but no one answered me back.” He scoffed. “Hell, no one even came out to see what the fuss was about.”

 This got Jack’s immediate attention, if his eyes widening a tad bit was anything to go off of. “No one responded? No one?”

 Jackie shook his head slowly, eyes firmly fixed onto the Irishman. Jack tore his gaze away, staring off at each portal with concern as Jackie continued.

 “I know you’re not sick, Jack, and if something was troubling you, you’d tell us immediately, so I know that if something is in fact wrong here, it can’t be because of you.” He exhaled unevenly, taking an anxious look off to his left, spotting the circling blue ring to Dr. Schneeplestein’s home. “Thing is…after everything I just went through...I’m beginning to feel like something else is in here, with us, and my first guess is that it wants to bring harm to the good doctor.” He turned his attention back to his creator.

 The Irishman seemed to tense up a bit only to relax almost instantly, turning his head to look at the ego with wonder. He raised a brow. “How would anything, aside from me, manage to get in here, Jackie? And if something were here, how is it you could sense it before me? And why would it target Henrik first out of all of us?”

 Something was beginning to feel off yet again – Jackieboy Man could sense it. His heart was constricting tightly in his chest and the cancerous leech of warning and dismay he’d felt earlier on had returned, biting at his insides insistently to the point it was nearly driving him mad. There was something about Jack that wasn’t sitting right with him. He couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but the way the man was acting – the way he was responding, the way he was asking questions – none of it felt comforting. In a situation like this, the Jack he knew would surely try to put his mind at ease, he’d listen to what he had to say and fully recognize just how bothered the ego was. And he most certainly would be concerned about the other egos’ wellbeing after everything Jackie had said. The Irishman would NOT simply brush off his paranoia and retort back with questions about his suspicions like what he was doing now. His questions may have seemed logical and genuinely laced with worry, but with the way his gut was twisting into one tight knot after another, Jackieboy Man KNEW something wasn’t right with his creator. Either he was hiding something…or maybe…

 Jackie licked his lips, telling himself to remain calm and not bombard the Irishman with questions. “I don’t know how it’d get in here…but maybe I sensed it first,” Because you’re not really Jack, “because my ‘spider-sense’ kicked in and you were probably busy with something.” He took a brief glance back at the entrance to the good doctor’s home. “As for why it’d target Dr. Schneeplestein first…” His gaze slid back to his supposed creator, “he’s a doctor…he helps people, like me…He’s a necessity in this void…If he goes down, then the rest of us would end up going down with him, one by one. You take out the medic and the soldiers are left to fend for themselves.”

 He swore for one fleeting moment he had gotten a brief glimpse of a smirk tugging at the corner of Jack’s lips, one eye twitching almost like he was holding himself back from saying or doing something. It made the hairs on Jackie’s neck stand up on end, only giving him all the more reason to be suspicious of who he was currently talking to. He swallowed and turned, eyeing Schneeplestein’s portal.

 “I should go check on him, make sure everything is alright.” He moved to step forward, about to storm off to the doctor’s home.

 “Now hold on a minute.” An arm lunged out and grasped the hero’s wrist, stopping him from proceeding any further. Jackie gave him a questionable look. “I’ll go.”

 The hero’s heart gave a fierce jolt in his chest, not comfortable with the idea of Jack going in there to check on his friend. Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm…

 “Jack, I’m worried about him, okay? I have about as much right as you do to go in there and make sure the man’s fine.”

 “I understand that, but Jackie, it’s my job – my sole responsibility – to come and check up on you all every day and make sure each and every one of you is happy, and more importantly, safe and sound.”

 “Yes, but –”

 “Jackie, just because you’re a hero, doesn’t mean you have to be responsible for every single life here in the void. That’s my job, not yours’.” He stated calmly yet firmly. “I get how your instincts are telling you that you need to make sure everything’s well, especially since it involves a close friend, but you shouldn’t put that sort of stress on your shoulders.”

 He leaned in a patted the hero’s shoulder lightly, looking into his eyes and showing sincerity.

 “Please. Go back to your world and resume your heroic duties there. Trust me enough to go and visit Henrik myself. I’ll go and see how he’s doing – hell, I’ll check up on the other two as well if it’ll put you at ease. I’ll report back to you, I swear on my name.”

 That wasn’t sincerity in his eyes, that wasn’t even genuine kindness he was looking back at. Those blues eyes may have gave off the exact same look as Jack’s, but the heart and care was completely one-hundred percent gone and nonexistent. Whoever this was, they were straight up mocking the hero. Jackie stared at him for a dragged out minute, the cogs in his head turning, attempting to think of a plan. Finally, he gave a nod, tore his gaze away, and released a defeated sigh.

 “Alright…Alright, fine, you’re right. I need to stop letting my ego get in the way.” He eyed him. “And I do trust you. You care for all of us just as much as we care for each other.”

 Jack gave a reassuring smile and began to move away from Jackie. “Of course. I created you guys, after all. Why wouldn’t I care?”

 The masked man could barely breathe at this point what with how tight his chest felt. Those last few words…

 Jack motioned for him to go on back to his part of the void as he slowly walked backward toward Schneeplestein’s portal. “Go on. Go back home. I’ll check back in with you within the hour, I swear it.” He beamed warmly before spinning on his heel, nearing the blue ring. “I’m sure everything’s alright. Knowing him, he’s probably just busy.” He scoffed. “Maybe he’s working things out with his family, who knows?” He stepped into the ring and with that, he was gone.

 A vivid flash of Ilsa’s reanimated rotting corpse with her mangled face burst through the hero’s mind and he cringed violently, clenching his eyes shut in an attempt to block out the image. Inhaling and exhaling deeply to steady his poor nerves, the quivering Jackieboy Man reopened his eyes, his attention set on the open blackness of the void – the unmarked area for which he knew he had ventured out into moments ago.

 He knew what he had seen, he knew that something was here in the void and whatever it was was lurking within the depths of this world. The man he had been speaking with before – he may have looked and sounded like Jack but his overall demeanor was unnervingly questionable. He seemed to come off as knowing something Jackie didn’t and it was racking the poor hero’s body with apprehension. If he was Jack, someone or something must’ve done something to him. But if it wasn’t Jack…

 Answers. He needed answers. And he needed them now.

 Glancing out at the entrance to the doctor’s home for a split second before returning his attention to the darkness, the masked ego stood up straight, sucked in his one and only breath of bravery, and stormed off into the endless shadows of nightmares.

 Jack had left to check up on Schneeplestein and was most likely going to check in on Marvin and Chase afterwards as well. Jackieboy Man had about no more than an hour to search for proof of what he feared – one hour for him to be the hero everyone knew him to be.

 Only one hour to wander in the dark. And only one fear he honest-to-god hope wasn’t true.

Part 15 - Good Puppet

Part 17 - Do You Really Like Him That Much?

Author’s Note: No more breaks ;)

@gridhorizon @jse-fandom-protection-squad @septic-possessed @septic-fallen @butterlover328 @steffid101 @sketchy-scribs-n-doods @no-strings-puppet @haveaverynicetime @golden-eyed-guardians @fear-is-nameless @nightmarewolf133 @maybekatie @jack-a-yote @lil-gib @aeoix @lemonofweirdness @jaysflight @vity-dream @thatdorkcaci @jacksinsanity @silvadraconis @adreamoverlife @viostormcaller @wingsofthefierydragonheart

[waif-of-the-night]

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Part 3

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Masterlist

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Sam Winchester, Ruby, Anna

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Angst

A/n: Ending This episode and starting Heaven and Hell! Hapyy Reading! :)

Feedback and/or requests are very appreciated and very welcomed!

“I’ll get the bags from the car, you gonna be okay?” Sam asked you as you sat at the edge of the motel bed with an almost crimson red towel in your hand. Dean was in the bathroom, cleaning himself. You nodded and he left you two alone. You rolled your jeans on your left leg all the way to your knee to see a large bleeding wound on your calves. You used the towel to wipe the blood but it only smeared it around a bit. You found the motel sewing kit on the nightstand and started sewing the wound close. You grimaced in pain as you drove the needle across your skin again and until the bleeding stopped. You cut the remaining thread, and just then you heard the sound of the bathroom door knob being twisted. You threw the sewing kit in the nightstand drawer and rolled your jeans back down as Dean came out of the bathroom, clutching his arm with the other. You looked up to him to see that he also had a large gash running down his entire right arm. He had washed the blood but it was still bleeding. “You got any deep cuts or anything?” he asked you while he clutched his arm tightly with his hand. “No.” You lied. “That doesn’t look good.” You said, gesturing to his arm. He looked down to it himself, lifting the hand slightly. “Eh...” he gave a playful frown. “I’ve had worse. I’ll just patch it up.” He was looking around, for the sewing kit, you assumed. “That doesn't look like it's gonna heal in less than a month." you said, eyes fixed on the open wound, "I could... help with that, if you want.” He looked at you with confusion at first but then he remembered. “Oh right, I forgot about your healing thing. Yeah, please.” You gave him a soft smile and closed your eyes. Dean noticed carefully as you placed your hand on his arm and concentrated. He was staring at the wound which was healing slowly, leaving no scar behind. He’d seen Castiel heal wounds before but the process of healing in this case looked a lot different. There was no white light underneath your hand, nor did you have to just touch your two fingers over his forehead. His gaze went back to your face. He noticed how your eyebrows were now slightly knotted, lips slightly apart and eyes shut a little too forcefully. He was confused again. He was completely healed now so you opened your eyes and removed your hand to see his arm, good as new. He muttered thanks to you but before you could reply you heard the motel room door open behind you. You turned around to see Sam come in with the bags. He placed them on the table near the door and took a seat on the edge of the other bed. “Who the hell was that demon?” Sam asked once he got comfortable. “No one good.” Dean answered in almost a whisper. “We gotta find Anna.” “Ruby’s got her.” You said. “I’m sure she’s okay.” Sam added. “You sure about Ruby?” Dean spoke. “’Cause I think it’s just as likely that she used us to find the radio girl and then brought that demon in to kill us.” “No, she took Anna to keep her safe.” You said to him. You weren’t so sure yourself, but you had to say that out loud in order to believe it. Dean looked away from you and Sam for a moment. “Yeah. Well, why hasn’t she called to tell us where she is?” “Because that demon is probably watching us right now, waiting to follow us right back to Anna again.” Sam completed his brother’s thought. “Maybe that’s why he let us go.” You added. “You call this letting us go?” The older brother questioned. “Yeah I do...” they both looked at you. “Killing us would have been no problem to that thing.” “She’s right.” Sam agreed. “That’s why, for now, we just got to lay low and wait for Ruby to contact us.” “How’s she gonna do that?” Dean asked. The room fell silent for a moment as none of you knew the answer to that. You looked down at your hands, wondering. “Why do you trust her so much, Sam?” Dean couldn’t help but ask. “I told you.” Sam muttered. “You got to do better than that.” The older Winchester insisted. “Hey, and I’m not trying to pick a fight here. I mean we really want to understand.” Sam looked at you, to see if you thought the same way as Dean. “He’s right, Sam. We deserves to know.” You told him. “Because...” he didn’t look at either of you, “She saved my life.” Sam knew you were right. So he let out a sigh and got started. He told you both about how he ran off a week later after burying Dean. He went off to the crossroads and attempted to strike a deal with a demon just to get Dean back at any cost. But, of course, nothing worked. He told you about how he met Ruby again with some other demon, both of them took him off by surprise that ended with the magic knife to his throat. Dean opened his mouth to say something but Sam stopped him saying how the story wasn’t finished. Ruby did save his life. She fooled everyone into thinking that she was bad again, lied to Lilith and endured her punishment to get out of hell faster. She killed the demon with the knife and pulled herself back to being a fugitive. He told you how her present body was of a comatose Jane Doe who had no consciousness. She told Sam that she would teach him everything she knows and help him take down Lilith. “So...” You asked sitting across from him, “What did she teach you?” You were sitting the other edge of the bed facing the boys while you waited for Sam to continue. “The first thing I learned,” he said with a sigh, “is that I’m a crappy student.” Sam explained how he wasn’t able to exorcise the demons like he was supposed to. Every attempt at using his powers, and failing, left him with thinner patience. He was getting restless. The demon Ruby tried her hardest to comfort him, telling her that she too knew how it felt to lose someone. That she remembered what it was like to be human. After that, the events didn’t turn out the way you had thought, as Sam described hismoment with the demon in more detail than needed. You nose scrunched up as you listened to him talk about it. “Sam?” Dean spoke for the two of you, cutting off his little brother, “too much information.” “Hey, I told you I was coming clean.” He said. “Yeah, but now I feel dirty.” Dean muttered. Your lips were pressed tightly in a line. “Okay, well, uh...” Dean poured himself a much needed drink and passed the bottle to you which you gratefully accepted, “brain-stabbing imagery aside, so far all you’ve told me about is a manipulative bitch who, uh, screwed you, played mind games with you, and did everything in the book to get you to go bad.” “Yeah, well, there’s more to the story.” “Hey Sam?” you couldn’t help yourself, “Just skip the nudity this time, please.” He nodded his head and continued with his story. “Pretty soon after...that...um, I put together some signs, omen.” He said. “Saying what?” “Lilith was in town.” He stated.”And I wanted to strike her first.” He continued with the story how despite Ruby’s warnings he went after Lilith half-assed and nearly got himself killed but Ruby came back for him and saved his life. “Whatever you have to say, she saved me. More than that, she got through to me. What she said to me... it’s what you would’ve said Dean.” He looked over to you, seeing that you clearly understand how Ruby became the voice of reason for him when he had nobody. “If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here.” You could never bring yourself to trust any demon after everything that happened to your family but after listening to Sam’s story you could somehow feel how Ruby was maybe really different than those other demons. Before anyone could say anything again, there was a knock on the door making everybody’s stiffen. “Housekeeping.” A female voice called out. “Not now!” Dean scowled from inside. She seemed persistent, offering clean towels. Dean got that she wasn’t going to leave without a face to face so he pushed himself off the chair and opened the door. “Couldn’t you just leave them at the door?” She scoffed and shoved the clean towels to him and headed straight for the window to draw the curtains. As soon as she ensured that you weren’t being watched, she pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Sam. “I’m at this address.” She said. Sam gave her a funny look asking her what was going on. “Go now. Go through the bathroom window, don’t stop, don’t take your car, don’t pass go. Tere are demons in the hallway and in the parking lot.” “Wait.” Sam realized who she was, “Ruby?” “Okay, yes, so I’m possessing this maid for a hot minute. Sue me.” She rolled her eyes at him. “What about--” “Coma girl? Slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna, so I’ve got to hurry back. See you when you get there, now go!” You and Dean exchanged a look as she instructed and left the room. -------- You arrived at the address given by Ruby shortly after, managing to not tip off any demons. Sam knocked on the door and waited a moment before Ruby answered, back to her previous body. As you stepped inside your attention was drawn towards Anna who was sitting on an old couch right across from the doorway. “Glad you could make it.” Ruby said. “Yeah, thanks.” Sam muttered. You went straight to Anna, asking if she was okay. “Yeah, I think so.” She answered, “Ruby’s not like other demons; she saved my life.” “Yeah, I hear she does that.” Dean said, gesturing towards the demon while a small smile spread across their lips. “I guess I...you know.” Ruby crossed her arms over her chest, “What?” “I guess I owe you one...for Sam. And I just want you to know...” “Don’t strain yourself.” Ruby said, with a mixture of surprise and annoyance on her face. “Okay, then, moment over?” Dean asked Ruby to which she answered with an eyeroll. “Good, cause that was awkward.” You and Sam shared a funny look at their exchange. “Hey, (y/n),” your attention was drawn to Anna. “You think it’d be safe to make a quick call, just to tell my parents I’m okay? They must be completely freaked.” You and the boys shared looks as your expressions completely changed. You tried your hardest to get the words but nothing came out. You took a seat next to her and tried again. “Anna, your parents...” you trailed off. “What about them?” It was harder than you thought. You gave her a sympathetic look. “Look. I’m sorry.” “No, they’re not...” Anna’s eyes filled with tears. You tried apologizing again but she broke down sobbing. “Why is this happening to me?!” you placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. You could understand her pain. She sobbed for a couple of more moments then she suddenly sat straight up and looked around rapidly. “They’re coming.” Your eyes shot up to the ceiling as the lights started flickering. You ushered Anna out of her seat when Dean noticed a back room to hide her. You and Anna walked to the back room, Sam suggested you to stay there with her and you agreed. You locked the wooden door the best you could. Anna curled up on the worn out bed at the end of the room. She was whimpering from fear so you tried comforting her by telling her everything will be fine. After she got somewhat better you heard the sound of the cabin door fly open. You got to your feet and pushed yourself against the back room door in attempt to overhear the conversation. You learned from some initial conversation that they must be the angels you had heard from Dean and Sam. You thought for a second that they might be here for help but then you heard one of them saying they were here for Anna. The moment of relief instantly vanished from your mind. You heard Sam ask them if they were gonna help her. “No,” one of those angels answered, “she has to die.”

[lrjtalks]

Destined for greatness

Destined for greatness is a phrase I have long used to describe myself. While I should have spent the last year as a graduate, finally free from the shackles of higher education, I instead spent this time spiralling all the way into a permanent state of existential crisis. I should’ve been either back in New York by now, or working in some fancy creative agency in Paris. I should’ve been destined for greatness, not swamped by sadness. My therapist says I use the word “should” a lot.

Such is life. Writing this, it’s been a couple of days since I stopped taking my antidepressants and I'm starting to feel in charge of my own life again. I’m in the driver’s seat again. Figuratively, but also literally; I just started a part-time job driving a van, and delivering people’s Asda shopping. I’m based out of my hometown, Morley, but can go as far as Barnsley, Selby and Doncaster sometimes. I find it so funny how you can travel across Yorkshire and watch “y’orite luv” turn into “y’orite duck.” It’s also a job which (alongside my charity-funded fancy therapy) is making me think so deeply and incessantly about social class divides in England, reflecting on my own positioning, and noticing more and more, just how much class is still so central to how we form expectations. Expectations that we hold towards others, external subjects, outcomes and institutions, and the expectations that we set for ourselves.

I have always had extremely high expectations for my own life, which is partly why I am so deeply dissatisfied with how it looks, right now. I’ve also always felt a profound need to prove myself as worthy of a purposeful, meaningful life. 

Taking sertraline made me feel... nothing. I barely even felt like a real person. I was more existing, than living. That could’ve also been the lockdown. It’s so weird to feel as if you are hysterically crying on the inside, but otherwise be physically incapable of tears, or showing any emotion at all. I definitely needed that for a while, because I was just numbing myself by smoking weed, all day, everyday, otherwise.

I lost my grandad to COVID-19 almost a year ago; that’s what really set me off down this dark path to begin with. Turns out I already had a hell of a LOT of unresolved grief trauma surrounding the loss of my mother, when I was a kid. I’m starting to feel as if growing up is simply learning how to get through each day without wanting to cease from existence, somehow finding a sense of “purpose” along the way.

I did 12 weeks of NHS-ordered CBT alongside popping the personality-draining pills. I was paired with this really nice woman who was very politically aligned with me, thankfully. I spent most of the time ranting to her about the Tories, authoritarianism and how different my life would look now, if I had rich parents like Florence Given or Grace Beverley. I was so angry, with everyone and everything; I still am, but I’m just learning how to deal with it a little better, at times. At other times, I feel like crashing my Asda van straight into the River Aire and giving up on all of this.

I’m receiving some pretty hardcore private therapy now, which I accessed for free through a charity called “Her Path to Purpose.” I’ve even got a call about making a video for them, after they saw this one I did for UN Women UK:

Working on this research project with the UN and Living Proof reassured me that I still am destined for greatness, even if I’m not yet where I thought I would be by 24. That’s all over now, and there’s exactly one month today until the absolute final deadline day for this Motion Graphics Project. My 24th birthday came and went too quickly, and left behind a really dreadful sense of regret that manifested in a drive to get better. I’ve procrastinated from becoming my authentic self for an entire year, by staying clinically depressed; I’ve felt so much pain, anger, shame, guilt, hopelessness, powerlessness and frustration throughout all of that time. While I always knew that this would definitely be a personal project, I never quite anticipated just how much it would become a personal journey. The good thing is, I finally now know exactly what purpose this piece should serve, the emotions it should evoke amongst viewers, and who those viewers should be. I’m at it again with the “should”s.

I’m now standing at a crippling crossroads between self-destructing completely or becoming a pioneering change-maker. Where I go from here all relies on my ability to commit to this project wholeheartedly, focus and dedicate myself like never before, to execute it in precisely the way I can see it in my brain, as I type this.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 13: “I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep.” -  Sarah

Najwah

Well, that was shit. I feel as though I really tried to get Amy to vote with us but Pedro wanted to get her out so everyone just decided to write her name down too. Also, she basically used my name as a decoy too. And I used Maddison as a decoy too so she could flush Olivia's idol. It worked. I had my superidol at the ready too. I feel like this game is just going to get more insane from here on out. We are so little people in the game. So close and yet I'm content with just being here. In the final seven. This feels good. I'm glad Pedro is with us and I wish we had gotten him on board a while back. We haven't told anyone else about our idol and superidol yet. I wonder if Amy really gave Pedro the fake idol lmao that would be hilarious. Anyway. I'm just going to carry on playing I guess. Amy had crazy big plans and I loved them but I felt like her allegiance to Maddison ruined our common goal. I wish she'd just been on board with us voting Maddison like she wanted to when we voted Grae out. That's when it all started. That's when we were causing waves in the game without anyone even knowing. Sigh. I wish things could have been different. 

Olivia A

So it looks like Maddison and I got Pedro to agree to work with us!! This is very very exciting. We can get Aimee to flip easily (even though she does keep going back on that promise) and have a majority. Assuming it goes as planned, Maddison and I will then have our pick of who to go to the final 3 with (Aimee or Pedro). I have felt 100% solid with Maddison from day 1 and we have made every single decision together. I don’t wanna be at the final 3 with anyone but her.

Aimee

All Maddison had to do was play her idol on Amy and Cody would of went home. Maddison was scared that Old Hanuha was lying to me again and that those 3 were voting Maddison and Pedro and I would be left out and vote Amy. I wanted to put Cody’s down but I knew it would of been rocks, four versus four vote.

Dang I wish I would of known about the idol sooner so I could of had Old Hanuha put the votes on Maddison and get Cody out that way. It would’ve been such a huge game move for me and Maddison that would have looked super great for the jury, and if Cody left this game would be wide open again. Also it would’ve been believable that Pedro ratted the vote out to Maddison instead of me so I could’ve hid behind that too and old Hanuha never would’ve known I told Maddison the vote. But I get it and Maddison was nervous it was her. We still have an opportunity to flip this on the next vote too. It just requires Pedro and the personal connection I have with him to flip with me. He will have to put personal things aside with Maddison and Olivia if he wants to be more than fourth or fifth in this game. He knows the best he can get here is fifth with them....he even told me this straight up. I wish I didn’t have to flip because I love these people but I know that Cody Najwah and Sarah are a final 3. And I’ve been wronged so many times before that it would be a nice little treat for Ben and everyone else hahahaha. Actually Sarah flipping would be great for her own game too but I’m not sure if she is really going to do that or just is waiting for the right moment to maybe flip with me and Pedro as well. It’s interesting with Sarah because it’s almost like we are both staring at each other waiting for the other to say we wanna flip. Wonder if we are thinking the same thing and maybe planning the same moves. Wouldn’t surprise me, Casanova 👑 has a really similar game to mine, even if it’s portrayed differently.

Aimee

Also, after listening to that podcast. WHOS THE TOP PISCES NOW, ZACK! https://64.media.tumblr.com/ce6ed38bc4ad9c69ee92e5e764c19e5e/tumblr_njj8unqiGl1sqbiv1o5_400.gifv

Sarah

From three days ago but I just got it to upload.... https://youtu.be/w5g35793Bkc

Sarah

From last night... https://youtu.be/IBPzYsGfIRU  Najwah I had a brain fart at the end of that game and I said something so ridiculous. I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep. 💀💀 What a fun game though I enjoyed it! But... Embarrassed for life. 

Aimee

https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/616209748381122560/ I wore my jacket looking fancy for this immunity challenge. Too bad my mood was shit. Oh well. Congrats Cody!! 🥳🥳🥳 https://64.media.tumblr.com/b1324cd7cf8c621547f61c8cb20d5fda/eaeee04a03e6c254-72/s540x810/eaf80576f97d63015f9a99cffb28fe7b46e888cb.gifv

Najwah

No ones ever going to see that video again so let's write a better confession. Here's the thing, I am playing for fun at this point. After hearing and having time to listen to Zack's podcast, I realised how intense I was initially too. How I'd do anything to win. Whether it was stay up until 6am, avoid my job, accidentally stay without food, stay in bed, not call my parents for weeks, blindsiding James just to get to merge. I no longer feel stressed and angry. One thing I liked about Zack's podcast segment was that I have a whole new perspective on a lot of things right now. I'm here, in the fucking top 7. Never thought that would ever happen. I have made friends and gained so much from this. At some point in this game you get to a crossroads and you have to decide who you are. Are you a vicious blindsiding, backstabbing bitch or do you want to see your people WIN more than anything. Tonight Cody won immunity. He fucking deserved it. I'm so happy he can go spend time with his nieces and nephews and not worry about being a target. Me? Oh I'm burning to use my damn superidol so that I can at least try to win ONE immunity.

Everyone in the game right now has won individual immunity except Pedro and I. Which is funny bc I always thought of Pedro as a challenge beast. I miss Amy. I don't like not seeing her in this game. I've been thinking about how we left things all day. Why did she want me to vote her? Why did she trick me about the vote or was that just her protecting me? Either way, we played the same game at each other as our last play. The double decoy. I don't know if I mentioned this yesterday, but Amy wanted to vote Olivia out so that we could form a 4 person alliance with Pedro and Maddison. I've never spoken to Maddison ever. And Pedro is a loose cannon. I don't see how that would have ever worked. And she said our first play would be to get the strong players out: Cody, Sarah.. Like? In my opinion Maddison is the strongest player in the game. If Maddison were at the end, I wouldn't hesitate voting her in a heart beat. I didn't get how she wanted. To hide behind Maddison forever and not take control of her own game. I didn't get that she wanted Maddison out but whenever it came down to it, she would hesitate to get her out? She's told me every one of Maddison and Olivias advantages and idols etc. She's spilled so much tea while I've never told her anything negative about the people I'm working with because I didn't want them out? Ugh. I guess some day I'll ask her. If this were a real game of survivor perhaps I'd take Sarah or Aimee out, like I'd flip on them for a million bucks maybe coz they're strong players but as long as this is an online game ima be cheering everyone on bc this game is long and tough and we have been through things together, ya know? 

Olivia A

Just talked to Aimee about flipping to work with Maddison, Pedro, and me. She said she’s in for now but still wants to talk to og hanuha people and see their plan for this tribal. She still said that she realizes if she doesn’t flip all of our games (including hers) are done. So even thought she hasn’t given full agreement, I think we’re all solid on this. We are planning to vote Sarah out. I think this will completely turn the game around. I don’t wanna think too far ahead but I’m starting to see my trajectory to FTC pretty clearly. Don’t wanna speak too soon though so if I get voted out don’t hold this against me lol.

Pedro A

trying to break the trio...have a bad feeling about this tribal ....working with maddison and olivia isnt the best....i hope they dont lie AGAIN....at this point..if i get out....they are next...so its kinda dumb to vote....BUT IF I LOSE....i will scream ALELUIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...cause damn im exhausted 

Aimee

This song is dedicated to Cody and his immunity win!!!!!🙌💚🖤 https://youtu.be/weRHyjj34ZE Sharika - Whenever, Wherever Our humor knows no distance 😻🌵🌈💞 😅I’m trying my damnedest to get Maddison and I as far to the end of this game as possible. So sorry about the confessional about me wanting the idol to work to get you out. https://64.media.tumblr.com/562258ad5eb14f6498ceff24aa8392e7/984582d2a107588c-d2/s540x810/1b6cf1576e95c3672122cfb7887ffd5a644d87da.gifv So I hope no hard feelings! I love that we can laugh over pop divas, gay culture and just life in general. 😂 We are gonna tear up the city as soon as we can hang out in person. I hope Texas and Ohio is ready for this! Olivia A

Pedro being so paranoid about Aimee’s commitment is getting frustrating. Since we brought this plan to him we’ve told him she’s 100% in she’s been talking about flipping forever and he still gets so nervous. I understand the paranoia bc it’s a big move but I wish he would listen to what we’re telling him and trust our intuition. That doesn’t really matter though bc tonight we are voting Sarah and it’s going to work! :) Oh also Maddison and I keep saving up coins to buy things that end up being nothing it’s getting really frustrating but oh well!

Pedro A

Sarrah says she wants to vote maddison...and now aimee..is trying to get me to vote...with maddison and olivia who want to take out sarah.....(i already know about the plan, i made the plan lmao)......somehow i feel like im the one GOING HOME TONIGHT

Maddison

I’m putting trust in someone that I never wanted to have to trust. Pedro, here’s to you bud.

Aimee

https://kasugano.tumblr.com/post/154832341580 Well I figured I would try! I will do everything in my power to keep Maddison here on Skype survivor island. https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/612534208936755200/ I just keep losing one close friend after another in this game. I��ve honestly become numb to it at this point. I just see that light at the end of the tunnel. 2 weeks just 2 more weeks. I don’t plan on going to jury. I’m just so excited to finally reconnect with my people at the end. I’ll keep fighting like I’ve been doing since day 1. I feel like Maddison being voted out just kicked me into overdrive. The adrenaline is here and I’m ready for what’s to come next. This lady is strong and a fighter. https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/613061232697753600/

Cody A

https://youtu.be/S8iY2_ho8-Y